Posted 21/05/10
I sit here nearly three months into my HSM and the question has arisen again. Why am I doing this? How has this self imposed ban served me during my time in New York?
Although I am not drinking any alcohol; I am working 70 hours a week, I am not exercising, and I am eating really unhealthy food. I am a little confused as to why I am making these lifestyle choices surrounding health and fitness without acknowledging the impact it has on me. I no longer think my original HSM "yes" is driving my decisions around alcohol. I still continue to not drink and I don't really care if I do or not.
Looking at it from a meta level I see alcohol as only one piece of this puzzle I call life. The more I focus on the decision making process around saying "no" to alcohol the more I see alcohol as a substance which changes my behavioural state, good as well as bad, and results in undesirable actions. This part of the puzzle is clear to me and HSM has allowed this. The rest of the puzzle though, not so much.
I feel a little lost and out of balance in this moment.
I have committed to HSM for 12 months but I don't know if I want to continue after 3. Can fellow HSM'ers offer me some insight/feedback? Have you been through what I am currently experiencing?
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© Hello Sunday Morning 2012
© Hello Sunday Morning 2012
21/05/10
Welcome to the three month hump, which sees the end of diets, goals and relationships. The origional glam of ur new goals has deminished to a dull memory and the harsh restrictions of ur self imposed abstinence are now being felt at their full weight. It’s only natural johno to feel nonchalent at this point, a season has passed and it’s human to desire a change. I suggest you support your vow by getting involved in something that supports your efforts, a sport or discipline where being healthy is paramount.
Then again, don’t be too hard on urself, u r living in the most amazing city on the world. However 3 months isn’t really that long. Do u need to relapse in order to realise that u were doing a good thing the whole time and feel a new level of enthusiasm and regret?
What ur doing is wonderful, don’t break ur promise and oath to this site and urself
21/05/10
When I got to three months I found that I in some ways replaced alcohol (and my dependance on it for changing my emotional state) with a crap load of other stuff – like work, cigarettes, caffeine, chocolate.. even sushi (which was weird).
This is the mind trying to grasp at things to fill its place. But when you can let go of that man, you will find the balance you are seeking.
Such is life through, that you will probably loose it again, as I have many a time, but the trick is to get better at bringing it back and holding boundaries around that balance.
If you want to stop at 3 months, that is fine as well. It’s completely up to you. Just do it for yourself and not your mind. If you *need* to have a drink to change the way you feel about yourself (regardless of whether you do or not, because that is OK as well) just acknowledge that there is work to be done. Either way, I would still like to hear about how you are going in NYC. Post some pictures of you doing karaoke!
21/05/10
Hi Jonathan,
I’m 8 weeks in – and i can identify with how you are feeling. Sometimes – it’s just shit to not drink. Like right now I’m sitting at home on a Friday night and that bums me out.
But I’ve gained alot from not drinking too. I feel healthier, fitter and more rested than I have in ages. I feel my confidence returning. I feel more adventurous and motivated to try different things and be out of my comfort zone. I bought a bicycle – and i’ve been cycling around the streets of Melbourne. Something I never would have got around to doing in my previously permanently hungover state. I’m finding that these small things are making me really happy.
Sort of like Chris said, i’ve been eating chocolate and buying alot of very expensive shoes. but i am concious of it and trying not to be too hard on myself… taking it one bad habbit at a time
I recon it’s a matter of weighing up the pros and cons – what’s your life like with alcohol versus what’s your life like without alcohol? everyone’s answer is based on their own experience. only you can decide what you wanna do from here.
It sounds to me like you are working too much! Try to take it easy
24/05/10
Where are you at Jono? What are you thinking man?
24/05/10
Hey
I love the honesty of this post. First of all, I think that what youve acheived so far has been amazing – going 3 months is nothing to be sneezed at!
You mention that you arent eating well or exercising and it sounds to me like your life is so busy workwise, that the only healthy
thing you ARE doing – is not drinking.
Maybe how you are feeling right now, is because your life/work balance is out of kilter?! Or is that so obvious, you are saying
“DUH!” right now?
Whatever you decide, be proud of what youve achieved, but most of all, be kind to yourself.
J
25/05/10
I am continuing on with it. I won’t sell myself short and stop!
29/05/10
In that moment when I was writing the blog post I was feeling very tired, emotional and frustrated with a bunch of things where HSM wasn’t really a factor. It’s very cool to see how I have been handling these situations without alcohol and how I would of definitely hit the bottle just because I was “stressed out” state. I feel the common phrase “I need a drink” is very strong in context and crosses the boundary of the want/need state. I have wanted to drink in these times but didn’t need to as I was committed to myself and HSM to say no. It’s very liberating!