I’ve been a bit apprehensive about posting these thoughts. But at the end of a day, this is my truth and I hope that in offering an alternative perspective some may find solace in their own being…forgive me if you feel this is a little too ‘deep’ for mainstream media. +++ In hindsight, I’ve found that my experiences with HSM have been somewhat atypical to my own expectations. I see now how I aproached HSM from a very introspective, spiritual perspective and sometimes found myself alienated from my peers in the process. Looking back, I connected those three months of sobriety with change, personal growth, health, purity/clarity of mind and being pro-active. While these are all beautiful things to adopt in the name of evolution, as I neared the finish line I became anxious about going back to drinking and confused with how it would fit in with my new found values. Eventually this led to an influx of wild emotions and interesting thought streams that in the beginning I welcomed; but in the end found to be somewhat overwhelming and draining at times. You see, I found that when I did drink again I was disappointed. Alcohol had lost it’s magic. I was frustrated and confused, chasing the euphoria of letting go that I once so adored. Now I am grieving for my lost friend; alcohol, but as I am learning, death can also be a very beautiful thing. I’ve recently started reading The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali and because life works in such a way, when I opened my book today to open my mind these words comforted me in my journey: “I remember how much I enjoyed smoking and drinking. Then this Yoga business came in and somehow I don’t have those joys anymore.” The book goes on to explain that such thoughts are the consequence of ‘Samskaras’ – mental impressions or nostalgic fond memories that one must learn to accept, but not buy into. Not because these things are “bad”, but because continuing to buy into such beliefs is only going to frustrate. I like the analogy of a child who sets aside a toy they are no longer interested in it– not because the toy is ‘bad’ – but simply because as they grow older, they move on to new interests, new pleasures and new truths. While I sometimes miss going out and getting wasted just for the hell of it; now and again even envying my peers who continue to enjoy it so, I do feel that I am ready to move on. I enjoy my life without alcohol (though I am reluctant to identify myself as a ‘non-drinker’ ) and feel confident in socialising without drinking. But although I have come to this conclusion, living in our culture I am led to question myself – am I really over alcohol? Really!? And so I try it again only to be disappointed, or I say to myself and others ‘one day I’ll get back into drinking’. After all, I am only 19 so at times it does feel a bit of an overwhelming premature conclusion to make. But on the other hand, I do feel that I can be happy without it… In saying this, I also recognise that life is all about creating and expressing who you would ultimately like to be. It’s a process of evolution, movement, learning and personal growth. In acknowledgment of this, I open myself to the possibilities of enjoying alcohol again – I even welcome such a relationship. But I do not wish to force it by pressuring myself into drinking just for the sake of drinking. I think back to a special person I met early on in the year who didn’t really drink at all but had a talent for living life to the fullest. I’m thankful to have such a reference point and I hope that if others come to the same, genuine conclusion HSM will allow them to be able to accept their choice more easily.