Posted 17/01/11
“How blessed is the blameless vessel’s lot. The world forgiving by the world forgot. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, each prayer accepted, each wish resigned.” (Alexander Pope)
Here I am, two weeks into my Hello Sunday Morning. I had almost forgotten the fact that cutting off my access to my favorite recreational drug would mean that again I find myself had nothing to hide my wee little insecure thoughts behind.
I have spent the past five days in Melbourne (unfortunately, most of which I have been holed up in a hotel room for with a nasty cold). However, with the sun coming out and the weekend beckoning, I decided to take up an invitation to go to the Portsea Hotel for the day and stay there the night. I knew only one person that would be there so it seemed like the best way I could at least tick one of my HSM goals off this week – pushing the social envelope.
Oh, how I munted this particular envelope!
I remember back when I was doing my first HSM, how much I loved to put myself in these situations where I knew no-one and by the end of the night, knew everyone (or at least the people I wanted to meet). This glorious day in Portsea, however, was not my day. In fact, I seem to be back at square one. The day turned out to be dreadfully trying. The metaphorical bike on which I was able to peddle through social environments at the end of 2009 with absolute ease, seemed have rusted at the chains and I bailed after an hour of futility to get a taxi home (in the form of a phone call to a friend to pick me up!)
I’ve forgotten just hard it is for me to stop thinking. I don’t think I am doing too bad as at least I am aware of myself doing it and willing to try to let go of my thoughts, but I just really find it difficult to get out of my head, especially in social situations that throw me amongst a sea of fresh faces.
The truth is, I have had a massive week of psychological revelations. I’ve learned a few lessons, all of which have been delivered to me on a platter of truth by close friends and have left me a little depressed but in a natural, crouching-tiger-ready-for-change kind of way. One of the main realisations I have had this week is my need to seek validation from others.
I find myself often seeking validation from others in so many things that I do. For some reason, I have this perpetual need to be accepted, which in many ways is counter-intuitive to what I’m trying to do with HSM. Even in my work, I feel as though all these people around me tell me ‘wow you are doing something really awesome’, or ‘Hello Sunday Morning is going to be massive’ and I feel like I have to grow and grow and achieve and be bigger than Ben Hur to keep dazzling people enough to get this praise. It’s addictive. But in reality, it is the idea of the individual finding meaning through their HSM (in the same way I have and am doing now, even in writing this post) - that is the true validation. It is in this way that I feel like my hero isn’t so much a Richard Branson or Warren Buffet, but more of a Michael Franti or Carl Jung. I need to keep reminding myself of this fact.
“All beginnings are small. Therefore we must not mind doing tedious but conscientious work on obscure individuals, even though the goal towards which we strive seems unattainably far off. But one goal we can attain, and that is to develop and bring to maturity individual personalities... So doing, our efforts will follow nature’s own striving to bring life to the fullest possible fruition in each individual, for only in the individual can life fulfil its meaning." Carl Jung.
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by Ckraine
17/01/11
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© Hello Sunday Morning 2012
© Hello Sunday Morning 2012
17/01/11
Great insight chris. Coming from someone who constantly compares myself to others, I like to remind myself often that true and genuine outweighs superficial and outgoing anyday.
Also, glad to see the Carl Jung quotes
17/01/11
#quote ” I feel like I have to grow and grow and achieve and be bigger than Ben Hur to keep dazzling people enough to get this praise.”
Same with me. Almost exact.
I feel that same need. Eddie you are so inspirational. Eddie, you are….blah, blah blah. Its nice and I am grateful people look at me in that way, but I feel like I, too, am sometimes addicted to it. I desire inner integrity, inner inspiration. If I am to truly liberate others, I must liberate myself first.
I call it The higher achiever’s high jump complex.
We make massive leaps in short periods, and consequently the bar gets raised.
The crowd wants another record.
But records take time to break.
We forget how far we have already jumped.
Yours in understanding the complexity of “arrogantality” ( coined Raine/Harran 2010)
Ed
17/01/11
I too, understand completely Chris. Without trying to sound arrogant, it is precisely because we have multiple talents and can see things others can’t that the weight rests heavily on us. We are hugely capable. Given the right mix of circumstances we can do brilliant things. That is a massive burden. We want to change the things we see that are wrong. We want to move mountains – like, NOW – and make a difference, and make wrongs right.
But life gets in the way. And we are human and fragile (maybe more so than most because of that same perception that helps us soar). And it hurts when people let us down. And they do. And it sucks when you feel like you have to do everything yourself for it to be done right. And these are not excuses as some over-zealous self-help books would have you believe. YOU can only do what YOU can do. And no one else can comment on that because they are not YOU.
But at some point, you reach an agreement with yourself. Now I don’t know if this comes with experience or one’s own mind just wears itself down, but you start to see that’s it’s okay if you don’t get it right all the time. And it’s okay if you stuff up now and then. It’s a relief to know that you can control the tempo.
Sometimes I think it would be better if no one ever gave me a compliment or told me how great I was because then I wouldn’t have any perception of what I see as my short-fall.
Aside from above average sensitivity and intelligence, I recently unlocked something from my past that set me free. There was a huge force in my life who was impossible to impress. I was never ever good enough. The barre was constantly rising.
He no longer has a place in my life and I have found I am now being easier on myself. I haven’t given up on my dreams and I regularly beat myself up about getting older and not having accomplished what I want but it’s all relative… for the challenges I have faced in my life, I have done really well. And so have you. And if you are your only legitimate critic then have a word with yourself. Tell that inner voice to take it easy on you. You are only one man. And you’re a good man. And that’s all you ever need to be.
ps oops – impromptu essay!!
18/01/11
I think trying to be bigger than Ben Hur to keep dazzling people is going to have the opposite effect. I think your courage and vulnerability is what has set you apart, enabled you to achieve some fantastic things and as a result garnished much support and praise.
Starting a movement like HSM is not easy thing to do. Running a non-for profit organisation with no set business model; challenging the social norm; risking friendships, financial stability, and career to achieve personal growth and help other people along the way; and finally document everything in a blog for the world to see takes a great deal of courage and an ability to allow yourself to be vulnerable.
I am not saying this now to praise you but to just let you know how you have inspired me. I think if you try to make yourself bigger than Ben Hur and therefore superior to everyone else you will immediately begin to lose touch with people.
You may be able to become bigger than Ben Hur but doing so may well make you out of touch with society and possibly a raving lunatic alla Kanye West. Some say a musical genius but I think most would agree a touch crazy, check out some of his twitter posts.
I am taking a stab in the dark here but could this have anything to do with why you have found this latest social interaction difficult? I am sure you are used to having people around you that know what you have accomplished, but in these unfamiliar surrounds did you feel the need to prove yourself to everyone you spoke to? Did it feel like you were back at the beginning and had to go back over everything you have achieved over the last couple of years? Or am I little off base here?
You have defined what you think your true validation is but what I want to ask is how do you now stop yourself seeking your superficial validation in the form of praise and whatever else you include in this category?
18/01/11
Very cool post bro. Very awesome reflection on yourself. It’s a stage of maturity to realise as some here have that others opinions are simply that and we can take them or leave them we just have to know ourselves. I hope to get there more often than I do right now one day, well it is a process of growth and as such does not happen all at once. Be cool to ya self bro you’re doing brilliantly. How many people out there never get to a place where they can ask themselves such hard questions? My guess is far far more than any of us realise, growth isn’t always easy and it has peaks and troughs just like all of life. The bonus is growth leads us further up the mountain of perception unlike drinking which allows us to slow or halt our growth and therefore we’re stuck in the plains, going for five minute walks up the mountain and rolling back down again! A much sadder existence than the effort to consciously grow ever could be
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19/01/11
Thanks very much for the support, friends.
All very true points.
I think my focus over the next couple of weeks is going to be a lot of letting go and really getting back to the roots of why I do what I do and hitting the gym to get my mind back in tact.
Will keep you all posted on my progress.. x
20/01/11
Chris I always think it’s the pits that our best insights are when we are on a downer or should I say just coming out of a downer – maybe it’s the music! Maybe it is how good friends and family feel it is their role is are to kneecap you and catch you on the way down and then keep your head above water just long enough for you to catch your breath and climb back up again. Why can’t it be when we are on top?? In fact – why can’t we just stay on top?? Though when we are up there we are probably too full of ourselves to notice what needs to be done.
Beautiful and insightful writing. The one thing about the roller coaster of life is that the lows make the highs more exciting and if I had a choice I would pick this life over flat-lining any day.
love always