First weekend back and regretting it – check

Debt coming down – check

Fitness improving – check

New mind set – CHECK

I’m not sure about others who have done this, but for me…  I’ve spent the past 6 months trying to answer the question of why I drink and what does it mean to me?

In short – I drink because it’s a quick and easy way to be care-free and it means that I get to be equal with others.

Being care-free isn’t something I unfortunately get to experience very often.   Reason – life isn’t.  Life is about taking charge, being a man, facing your demons, being responsible and grabbing it by the horns and wrestling it into submission until you’ve won.

Now peoples view will no doubt be different on this but we are all different people at the end of the day : ) so no judging please.  When I drink and drink to get drunk, I do it to let go for a brief moment.  To give myself that balance that is needed in life.  I’m still looking at how I can achieve that with my own two hands because at this point in time I can’t do it in other ways.  Which sucks, but that’s ok, I’m not dead yet.  So this journey for me still continues on…

The other half, being equal.  Is something I unfortunately haven’t had that great of experience with.  I’m what people would call the unstereotypical Australian and I’ve felt like that my whole life.  Hasn’t been intentional on other peoples behalf and I don’t hate anyone for it but it’s what society unfortunately says.  It’s something I have to deal with on a daily basis, but at the same time there are beautiful moments where I’m not seen as “different” but as equal.  Funnily enough, when you are drinking no one cares who you are, what you do or what your background is.  If your down for sinking back a cold one, kicking back for a bit and taking life that little bit slower.  Then come right in, pour yourself a glass of your favourite ale, raise it in the air and salute to life.  Enjoy yourself, have some fun and leave your worries at the door.

Drinking in that sense is fun.  I loved having a drink after work with my boss and talking about life.  Getting to know who she was and discussing things that weren’t work related.  I can honestly say that I would never of been able to do that if it hadn’t been for having a drink together.  Not because I didn’t want to or because she didn’t, but because we simply were to busy and to different to have anything else to share.  But in that moment, we were on the same page.  Equal in the sense that we wanted to have fun with our lives and not be dragged down by things that so easily can do that to us.

That being said though, I’m beginning to see so much clearer that drinking shouldn’t be something I place my happiness in.  It shouldn’t be the decider on whether my “night out” is going to be good or not.  Because at the end of the day, I make that decision.  I make that choice and I control my actions, my thoughts and my reason for being.

Besides the movie Hitch.  Have you ever noticed that the word Happiness contains an I in it?  It’s interesting because the person who invented the word was in my head trying to make people wake up and realize that being happy is a self controlled act and isn’t influenced by others or by items.  It is at the end of the day, you who makes you happy.

As much as I missed having a drink with my mates and I was so tempted to throw the towel in, the last 6 months have been some of the greatest I’ve ever lived.  I feel focussed, feel alive and more me then I ever have been.  I can also safely say that this “journey” has honestly played a great part in it.   When I started to this I made the commitment of getting my finances under control.  Which I have!  The end of my debt is in sight which before I did this was something I thought I would carry around for years.  So thanks Chriso for hooking me up and helping me get my life back in order!

But also, I wanted to get to know me better.  Which I have.  There are some things that I didn’t like about myself but I’m glad I’ve found them because now I get to improve on myself which no-one can say that isn’t a good thing.

These last six months has also given me something I didn’t even think was possible before doing it and I am so grateful it did.  I’ve had the pleasure of spending more time with one of the amazing, beautiful, inspirational and incredible girls I have ever met.  Not that I couldn’t have done that before hand and it kinda makes me feel stupid for not being like this before but Friday nights became oppotunities to go explore, talk and enjoy her company rather then head to where the crowd is and have a few drinks.  Saturdays became hang out days instead of lie in bed and hate life for making me feel so sick.  Sundays, well didn’t really change because I’ve always done nothing on Sunday :p

By removing myself from that picture totally, it really made me open my eyes up to a world that I didn’t even realize was possible before.  It has also made think a lot on – what would this world be like without alcohol or even drugs for that matter?  How would we spend our Fridays night that has been culturally designated as a night to party and go out?  It is a really interesting thought to have and especially because it makes you wonder if the world we are would be a better or worse place?  This is something I would love to talk about more so if anyone is keen to ever sit around do the same thing, hit me up.

So now that it’s over… Life is different.  It’s a great thing not drinking, really is.  Not just because you feel better the morning after, but because you realize that life is so much more then feeling good.  Life is about making it good, and making that out of the things you want.  The people you choose to surround yourself with, the places that you go to and the activities that you undertake to help you along the way.

Life is great, so why waste it?  Take control, live it to the fullest and don’t settle for anything less than perfection.  Yeah drinking is a bit of fun that is something I totally don’t deny but I’m not sure if it is something I really care for much any more.  I do enjoy a drink, but really only for the taste and that initial feeling it gives me.  After that…  I’m over it.

This is Carl Blunck, a changed person signing out.

I’m currently a HR Advisor and Senior Project Officer working within the corporate HR office of Queensland Health.  Now if your a Queenslander actually an Australian and you haven’t heard of the MASSIVE payroll issues we have been having, well I am really wondering where you have been hiding because I am uber jealous!  At the moment my job consist mainly of dealing with the really really really pissed off employees who haven’t been paid properly due to the recent implementation of our new payroll system.  Which they have full right to be pissed off about because it is totally F’d that it is happening.  Makes my day interesing because at one hand my “compassionate I want to help and do everything in my power to help you out” kicks in and I am getting people paid quicker then others and making those pissed off people happy.  But then on the other hand, my “these is annoying and I am over it” mood kicks in as my days are spent getting yelled at because by the time they come to me, they have gone to everyone possible (including K.Rudd) and they still haven’t gotten paid properly.  Interesting indeed!

So that has been life lately, long days and stressful conversations.  Which unfortunately has consumed most of my time and leaving me with little time to sit down and think about the things I want to.  But that doesn’t mean I haven’t been thinking about it.

For those people who know me really well they know I am a pretty deep thinker.  And my sabatical of no drinking (3 months down btw!) has really opened up my mind to a lot of things.  Not only about myself but about society in general and the place I see us as currently being in.

This blog will be a bit of a brain download so if it is to long for you, I apologise.  But I do hope you enjoy it

1) I HATE THIS

I say that with no remorse or second thoughts.  Purely because by me doing this it has really made me realise some of my personal flaws that I can’t stand.  Drinking has literally made me realize that I do not have the ability to relax and just enjoy the moment.  This is the best way I can describe it…  Have you ever had that feeling as if someone has been standing behing you, with their arms across the bridge of your back and shoulders and are just constantly leaning?  At first it’s nice but after a couple of days you just want them to stop.  Well that’s kinda what it has been like everytime I go out and the choice has been made even before I have gotten there that I will not drink.  It’s like being dragged around by a chain and forced to do something even though the opposite feels so right and in the moment.  But even though it is something that I hate about this, it’s something that has been awesome to experience because it has shown me a lot about the person that I am.

I’m a future planner.  Always looking to what the next step will be.  Whether it is hanging with friends and deciding what we will be doing that day, or that next hour, or even after this blog has been posted.  What next? Is always on my mind.  One of my best mates is the epitome of what it is to live in the moment.  No problems, no care (to a certain extent) just lives in the moment and enjoys what is going on around him.  It’s something that I admire about him more than anything and I hate that I can’t be more like that.  Nathan Jones is a guy that you can sit with and literally laugh with for hours on end and things that you would never find funny turn out to be things that have you busting a gut over because of how much he embraces how it is for that single moment it occurs.  Me though, just isn’t possible.  We are very different people though and we both know that, but I can’t drop this burning annoying feeling that the only way for me to be like that is for me to get drunk.  That happy drunk in the moment and nothing else matters drunk which for those people have seen me in that stage, I just never stop smiling, dancing and laughing.

That being said though, I guess when it comes to moments like this I really need to take things not as a pest but as a personal challenge to find that ability in myself.  I mean, if I can be like that when I am drunk, why can’t I be like that sober or just whenever I want to?

So challenge number 1:  Learn to live in the moment and enjoy it.

2) The responsible one

I’m beggining to notice more and more that when you become the “sober” one you also become the responsible one.  Which in its own is not a bad thing because I love being there and helping my friends whenever they need it.  But at the same time of being the responsible one, it gives members around you a little bit more of freedom to get that tiny bit more stupid.  I’ve always felt in myself that if I know that I have a safe guard around me then it gives me the ability to go that tiny bit more crazy because I’ve got someone or something to rely on.  I also know and believe that as a society we all know the risks that are being run when we drink.  We aren’t as stupid as some people (aka fat cat politians) think. Who in my eyes, have no idea the reasons behind why as a youth and a generation so many of us choose to drink.  Anyway, the point I’m trying to get across here is that when did it become the societal norm that the person who is the least intoxicated one is the one who is in charge of things when your drunk?  I know I was a member of that group, I used to do it all the time.  And the mind thought was that “yes such and such is not drinking I can get way more drunk then I wanted to because I can count on them to get me home safely at the end of the night”.  Which is ridiculous.  I am my own person and I never want to burden someone else’s night with the responsibility to take care of me and my safety because they have chosen to not drink and I have chose to drink.  Pretty stupid thought process if you think about it.

Challenge no 2: When I do drink, make sure that I am still my own person and I am in control of who I am and what I am doing.

3) Habit, Reward or cop out?

Now I’ve spoken about this slightly before in my – A weekend wasted is never a weekend wasted blog.  And it has been something that I am still trying to define and determine the true reasons behind why I used to drink when I did.  Because my friends know, it wasn’t a regular thing.  It would always be for a reason, but what was it each time?  At this point in time I’ve defined it to 3 reasons… HABIT – I got into a pattern that when I would go out I’d always have a glass of wine.  Not because I got there and it I had a buring desire to have one, but just purely and simply because it was the thing to do and it didn’t feel right to just have a coke or a lemonade.  Habit is an interesting thing, it is more times then not a subconcious decision that you’ve made even before you are realize what your doing.  And all of sudden, there is a drink in your hand and your going “I wish I actually didn’t get that… A glass of water would be so much better”.  That being said, my habits have changed because of doing this and I am extremely interested to find out what they will be like when the option (not choice) is there to have a drink again.  REWARD – this has been probably the most single driving factor of my previous choices to drink.  End of exams, winning a game, getting an award, finishing work for the week, having a birthday.  These are all things plus many more that I feel, we as a society feel that for it be rewarding we need to have a drink.  The amount of times that I have rewarded myself by getting drunk is countless.  But I’m not complaining about it, I actually think that if there is a time to drink this should be one of the most validating times to do it.  Yeah its counter to what I’ve wrote but even though I don’t like how we as a society do it, I still very much agree and love the reason for doing so.  Drinking as a reward has given me some truely awesome and epic memories.  Just check out my photos, you’ll see just how much fun we get up to when I do reward myself : ) COP OUT – Now this is probably one of the touchiest subjects to write about and I have before so I won’t go to in-depth with this one… We all know what I mean, drinking the sorrows a way and making them not exist for the brief period of time that you have that “golden elixir” coursing through your veins.  It sucks, and it isn’t going to be something I or anyone that does it will be able to change easily, but I hold on to the hope that at some stage I’ll be able to choose something else.

Well my brain feels a lot less lighter than before and I hope that I have challenged and made you think abit.. If not and this was a complete waste of time then thanks for reading any way : )

CB – out

When I started this I was excited, pumped up at what I knew was going to be a really interesting 6 month period.  Discovering who I am by finally facing a lot of inner demons and making what I like to call ‘a pure happiness’ one that is being constructed by my own hands and not being influenced by the affects of alcohol, because a lot of my fondest memories have been when a drink is in hand.

I don’t regret any of those moments though.  They really have been amazing.  However re-creating those moments and laughing at the things I used to, just isn’t the same.  And figuring out who I am has been a challenge.  A challenge though that has made my convictions so much stronger and a belief in myself that I can be who I want to be, and not someone that is expected, pushed, or walked over.

The bad thing about these thoughts though is that my head hasn’t been in the greatest shape, and I have been so tempted to just give up, grab a drink, and fall back into a person that I know and I can live with being.  But does person make ME truely happy?

Life is tough, only made tougher by the things that we go through and the things that we do.  And when life does get tough, one needs to step back and bring all of the problems back to the heart, to the choices we have made and think to ourselves, is this something that I want continue with?

I can safely say that I enjoy the taste of a cold CC and dry with the boys after playing soccer.  I enjoy coming home from work and having a wine with a freshly prepared meal and people that I love.  But as I said, not doing those things now has really shown me who I truely am and what I am capable of.  I’m being strong.  Which is honestly one of the first times in my life that I have stuck to something that hasn’t been for want or need, but by a pure and simple choice.  A choice that I have accepted and one that I intend to see through to the end.

As I write these words and bring you into my head, I am choosing to be me and not let things take control of my life as I have done so many times in the past.

I am who I am.

And I have chosen to love life, and everything that comes with it.

I am happy.

WHAT WAS I THINKING!?!?!?!

So this blog will be a rant of why I am such an idiot.  And thats not suger coating anything, its just being honest.

I’ve said before a bit about what I want to get out of this HSM, and when I have spoke about it to other people.  But that has only ever been what I want to achieve out of choosing not to drink.  Never about what I hope to get out of this as on-going benefits.

So my problem all started my thought it would an amazing and fantastic idea to buy a Jet-Ski : ) not because I liked riding them, or was a motor rev head.  But because I though, ‘hey I am earning some decent coin hear, I’m spending it crap, how cool would it be to have a jet-ski!’ After little research, a quick trip to the bank I had landed myself in $12,500 worth of debt and a dodgy jet-ski that had problems (other then the fact I should of bought it) from the get go.

At the time I was doing great, paying off the re-payment fortnight after fortnight, still having a good amount of surplus income to spend on what I wanted.  Life was good!  Then it got worse, wayyy worse.  The jet-ski crapped it-self and the only way to get it fixed (the second dumb decision) was to get a credit card and put the bill on that.  This left me approximately with… $11,000 left on my personal loan, and now $1,500 on my credit card.  Does anyone see the problem here?

I thought after this I would behave, get my act in order and pay my debt off slowly but surely!  This unfortunately started a bad bad cycle.  I met with a financial advisor yesterday, and it really pays to talk to someone who is completely involved in a ‘world’.  The main thing I took away from it was ‘that once you start something and get used to, it becomes a habit, and before you know it, things have gotten out of control’.  And he was right!

Its now four years on – I’ve gone through 3 credit cards (two left) and my personal loan is now down to just under $4,500! yeah that is something to smile about, but when I think that it started at $12,500 but due to my excessive spending it’s actually sitting closer $20,000.  And when I think back and ask myself what I have to show for it, in terms of tangible objects its hardly anything and nothing to boast about.  But I have made some awesome memories!

Even so, that doesn’t make amends for all the stress and pain that I have dragged myself through.  I’m getting better though : ) my debt is diminshing day after day but when I think back and realise.  That I could be in the positive with what I am paying off rather then the negative, I literally want to punch myself!

Its weird to think though that HSM has actually given me more then just a better lifestyle.  I really am loving that for the last 4 weekends I have woken up not feeling crap, more money in my back pocket and an urge to jump out of bed and go explore!  But what I have really gotten out of HSM so far, is a clarity of mind, a platform to really think about the decisions I have made in life and a way to go forward and have a plan of attack rather then just dealing with things day by day.  Because when I think about, thats what has gotten me to the place I am and I don’t want to be here.  I want to be in control of my life, be able to live it to the fullest with out having to worry about my next bill payment!

This is Carl Blunck, taking control of his life, financially and everything else that goes it with : )

CB – out!

This blog has developed from what I am witnessing, from what I know, and what I want out of this experience.

The title of this blog has been taken from one of my closest mates shirts, and when your on the ‘other side’ of the fence and not surrounded by the drinking culture, it sounds stupid.  Put yourself in that culture and its an awesome saying!  Funny how when you apply a word such as ‘wasted’ that is so negatively driven to something that is ultimately negative like drinking, it turns into a positive and good statement.  Feels like I am back in grade 10 maths :p

For me, drinking and alcohol has always been done for two simple reason -

1. To celebrate
2. To wash away the crap that I’ve been dealing with lately

To me.  The first reason is pretty self explanatory and a pretty good one when your weighing up the reasons as to whether you should or shouldn’t drink.  The second… well, that’s something that’s individualistic and comes down to how well people are able to handle the crap that goes on in their lives.  I’ve always found myself to be one of those people who others have always been able to come and have a chat to about things and more so then often it happens when I’m out and one of my mates have drunken themselves stupid that it all comes spilling out before I even know what is going on.  Which I love, don’t get me wrong.  But until now, I never have really thought about it and that second reason as to why some people drink as much as they do…

And when I think back on it, I’ve done it myself.  Now, those WASTED weekends were nothing more then just.. wasted, lost, meaningless.  I can’t even think of a morning after one of ‘those’ nights where I have re-woken from passing out somewhere and somehow, felt awsome about my problems and gone on with life.  In fact, most of my problems seemed to have gotten worse because I’ve either said something or done something that never should of been said when I was in that state.

I get why people do though.  It’s easy, and it numbs the pain of things.  Takes people away to a place that is simpler and all that matters are the people who are with you, which are usually the people who make you laugh the most and sometimes, after one of those nights you walk away with some awsome memories.  But there is always that risk of things turning sour and getting smack across the face with the reality of life is always going to come back.

I suppose the point I’m trying to get across is that I never want to be that type of person any more.  I want to be able to handle my problems how they need to be, head on, and without apprehension or fear.

Plain and simple.  I am horrible with money.  Give me an extra $2 and I’ll spend it before I even think of saving.  Give me a credit card, and I would have already maxed it out before thinking of how I would of been able to pay it off.

Currently, I have 2 MASSIVE debts.  A personal loan for a jet ski (which I now no longer own) for about $5000 and a credit card (for a home gym) for about $2500.  Now for some people, that’s not that much.  But like I said, me seeing ‘extra money’ being there I’ll go and spend it without a second though.  My loan has fluctuated up and down more times I have played with a yo yo.  And the only reason why this credit card is going down at the moment and not back up, is because I ripped it up.  But to be able to live my life the way I want to, I’ve ‘had’ to increase the limit on my second card which is ALOT more manageable forcing myself to pay it off before I even see my pay check.

At the moment I am earning some real good coin and working in an awsome position.  But after the bills I have, I am left with no more then $250 to spend a week.  Which has to include, food and petrol.  So when it comes to play time.  I really have nothing, and I don’t like doing things half ass.  And to add onto that, how the heck am I meant to save?  Go into a hole for a while and twiddle my thumbs? Not likely.

So that’s the sitch, updates will be coming more often as to how my debt is going!  And if anyone has some financial advice, I would LOVE to hear from you.  I’ve got to many burning ideas for my future.  And none of them are going to happen if I continue going the way I am at the moment.

CB – out

My name is Carl Blunck, I’m 21 years old and I am ‘biting the bullet’ and giving alcohol up for 6 months. Finally!

Alcohol for me, as I have read for a lot of other HSMers, has been because at the back of head there always the thought of if I don’t drink I won’t have fun.  I know that this is not true as I have proven on many occasions, (to my friends’ absolute gratitude) by being the deso and driving.  Even though, when I did this, I would always have the mandatory start off drink, to ease some nervousness and get my dancing shoes on.  I got brought into drinking when I was 16, going to one of my ‘older’ friends’ birthday parties and drinking myself stupid to fit in with that crowd.  Fitting in always seemed to be the main reason behind many of the nights that I would get smashed and eventually wind up doing something I would no doubt regret in the morning.  During this period my views on alcohol were simple, you do it to heighten the laughs, be more confident, and be able to take that step out of your comfort zone.

Now… I’m not so sure.  And I am hoping this period of ‘freedom’ will give me some clarity and let all the thoughts that swim around in my head find some direction.

A little bit more about me – I have recently graduated from USC, walking away with a Bachelor of Business – Majoring in Human Resource Management and Minoring in Marketing as well as me some great memories and friends .  Currently I work for Queensland Health as a HR advisor in Brisbane, which means during the week I live in Chermside and on the weekend I live on the Sunshine Coast so I can play football for CSPU and see my mum (who is the biggest legend in the world!) and some of the greatest people I know.  I have a passion for all things creative, photos, food, music, fashion and anything that takes your breath away.

Oh and my YES is going to be get a strangle hold on the stupid debt that I have seemed to dug myself into.  More on that later as it will take some time to figure out how much I am actually in… Scary thought!

The next 6 months are going to be interesting, I really hope you enjoy reading my blogs as much I will enjoy writing them .

Much love,

Carl