Well, it has been almost 3 months since I made a commitment to myself to say No! to alcohol and Yes to positive change in my life. I must be frank and say the other commitment I made was to blog weekly – which plainly hasn’t happened. Lets begin to make up for it..

In my previous blog I spoke briefly about the ease with which I can now say No.

After almost 3 months, my behaviours have changed so completely that to say No is no longer even a conscious decision. It’s a reflex action that barely occurs. Those around me are aware of my goals and my friends accept without question that the extent of my drinking will be a carbonated beverage. I’m half grateful that these friends are so open minded they accept my No!, and half disappointed they don’t try a bit harder to give me some beer so I can challenge myself more often!.
I never ask myself “Do I want a drink?” so I barely even get to exercise my “No!” muscles internally.
As someone who thrives on challenge, part of the attraction of HSM was the thought that such a radical change would really push me. The fact is however, saying No is as easy to me as saying yes once was.. and this could be a problem.

This afternoon I had the opportunity to join some of my team members for some drinks after a nice lunch at a city restaurant. Afternoon turned to evening, evening turned to night and soon some other colleagues/friends arrived.
I’ve been fortunate enough to re-establish a friendship with my ex girlfriend and I saw her tonight.
I distinctly remember seeing her about 2 months ago – at the same venue actually – and feeling quite turbulent emotionally. I commented to my good friend a couple of days later that I was grateful for my committment to go without alcohol as I would have felt 10 times more emotional were I intoxicated.
Facing the same situation a mere 2 months later, I now understand with clarity his reply, and the guidance of my brother David – if I feel something, I should feel it.
The benefit of being sober isn’t the ability to supress my emotions – it’s to feel them with clarity, rationality.. to examine them, and if neccessary to overcome them.

How does this experience relate to my No? Well, I didn’t feel like alcohol at all tonight. I didn’t feel like it to supress my emotions, didn’t feel like it to help me hide from them. Didn’t feel like I ever would again.
I sat there, and I felt what I felt. What other realisations will come, other than that I don’t need alcohol at all?  I have 9 months to go, but I think that any realisations to come will flow from that one, independent of whether I drink or not.

How am I going with my Yes’s?

I’ve made massive inroads! and for this I am grateful.

My physical fitness has increased dramatically. I’m beginning circuit training twice a week (from once) and I’m hitting the gym twice a week. My commitment to these activties is unwavering and I’m acutely aware that were I to be drinking the amount that I was previously, I would be at best improving a small fraction of what I am at the moment.

My financial situation has also improved dramatically – I’m planning a trip to Nepal early next year, which will cost several thousand dollars. As early as January of this year I would have had to make massive sacrifices to my lifestyle to afford it. Now, it seems easily achievable.

It seems I have some things to think about!

Peace

I wrote in my first blog about what I intended my personal YES’s to be, as well as what my NO was and now, some 3-4 weeks in I’m beginning to discover that my real challenge is not going to be in succeeding with the NO. Contrary to my previous experience (changing my diet, or exercise behaviours), saying NO has actually been the easiest part of this experience; I continued, from the outset, to expose myself to situations where alcohol would be around. Now within a few outings I feel no desire for alcohol. Maybe I have stronger reasons for changing this behaviour than others I’ve tried to?

It was not my expectation at all but the hardest part of this challenge has actually been to say “YES”; that is, YES I will continue to welcome new friends into my life by making an effort to talk to strangers. YES I will continue to exercise regularly. My idealistic view was that once I said no to alcohol, I would immediately overcome all other barriers in place that prevent me from achieving my goals. I’m discovering that my view was not correct. It’s not correct because alcohol doesn’t create these challenges for me, it just provides a (relatively poor) way to mask them or temporarily overcome them. Simply saying no to alcohol isn’t going to be enough for me to grow, it just provides an opportunity for the growth to occur.

So I feel that my challenge moving forward will not just be “YES im going to meet new people tonight!”, it will also entail a process of identification – “Now that I have removed alcohol from the equation, Why have I not done this previously? What are my limiting beliefs? How will I overcome them?”. Trying to work past these beliefs I believe will have benefits further-reaching than just what I’ve identified so far.
In the case of that particular YES, it’s  a little bit of a no brainer. I’m inhibited by the fact that to some degree I fear the judgement of others. What if I introduce myself and they don’t like me? (Self talk can be a bitch!)
While I count myself quite a confident person, with high self esteem, It’s clear I still have some things to work on in this area.

Whilst in Sydney I was fortunate enough to have a couple of conversations with my half brother David, who I had not until now talked to as a man. He provided me with some food for thought and although he intended the following to be in relation to desire for material goods, I think it’s relevant here too and its what I’ll close with. Sometimes we might believe that we need alcohol to make us happy. Think though about our time as babies though. We were able to find happiness & joy merely through the love of our parents and our relationships with the people around us – can’t this be possible now?

 I write this at an internet cafe in the Brisbane CBD – fresh from a few hours of work drinks (soda water for me), discovering some of the challenges that I will face and overcome in the next 12 months. But why am I willing to face them? What are my yes’s, my no’s, where have I come from and where will I go?

 I started drinking alcohol at about the age of 16 – I wasn’t much of a party kid, but accepted that booze was a social norm and subconsciously at least, thought that if I wanted to be cool I would have to start drinking too. I’m tall and have always probably looked a few years older than I am, so on a Saturday some time in 2002 I walked up to the shops, collected a bottle of vodka, a bottle of passiona and proceeded to see what all the fuss was about – a healthy introduction to alcohol if there’s ever been one.

 Years passed and my attitudes and beliefs about alcohol have slowly changed. From an experiment, to a confidence boost, to a belief that alcohol is the rope that ties us and the glue that binds us socially. Many things have changed including my motivations for binge drinking but one thing has not and that is that I’ve continued to do it, with brief periods of respite but never any real commitment to change – I haven’t known anything else and I haven’t believed I needed to. This is to change now; I need a better way.

 Alcohol impacts on my life in many ways and while some of these impacts I perceive as positive, I know rationally that it’s possible to have the vast majority of these without drinking and eventually, once I’ve learnt to do this, while enjoying a small amount of alcohol and without drinking anywhere near to the amount that I do at the moment.

It makes my wallet (significantly) emptier, has caused me to make irrational decisions that I know I would not with all of my faculties, has impeded my health goals, limited my effectiveness in my job and again in a practical sense, has limited what I can accomplish of my personal goals due to the recovery period on each saturday/sunday morning. Through all of this, I have had the constant opportunity to say NO, and I have not. Now I will.

I have practical and internal YESses, things that I want to achieve within and outside of myself.

In a practical sense, I want to save money to enjoy the things that I really like and that I will find truly rewarding. not the fleeting moments where alcohol takes me away.

I’m going to continue the fitness activities I’ve already started over the past few weeks – walking home from work each day, aikido, boxfit, jogging – without alcohol, these activities will no longer be in vain.

I am going to make a concerted effort to engage people – any and all people – in as much conversation sober as I would have when I was intoxicated. This is an objective for my daily life as well, not just when I am out and about. I already enjoy talking to strangers, I want to come to love it. I am positive that the Douglas that emerges from his shell after a few beers doesn’t talk to randoms BECAUSE of the beer, but because he KNOWS he has had the beer.

So far I’ve found that (contrary to what I would have expected) the fact that im not drinking in social situations becomes a subject of conversation about peoples experiences, rather than eliciting “Why not? thats weird!”.

My NO! is for 12 months and I look forward to blogging to you all for them, and the following months too.

Peace!