Theres always next week? (By Ellen Loftis)

Ellen_Loftis — Sun, 20 Jun 2010 03:31:16 +0000

Well. First week of my 3 month HSM lasted: 1 week.

“I can do it” – Famous last words out of my own mouth. Maybe if I just start again, no-one will notice?

As I first thought, this will be hard for me. But I still thought I’d be able to do it. Maybe the first week is the hardest. Ok First week is definitely the hardest.

Ellen: “I’m bored” Carly: “Me too” Ellen: “Ok lets jump the fence and go to the pub. I’ll start my 3 months next week.”

The easiest idea to cure our boredom was to just go to the pub. It was a good night, had fun, I remember it all, drank about 6 or more drinks. But its not the point. I’m sure there are other things to do that don’t involve drinking. Its just the first thing I think of. Because I don’t have to put much thought into it.

I’ve had so many good experiences not drinking. So I know that I can have fun without drinking.,but its nights like last night, that are hard. I don’t go out often, but if I’m going to last three months I’m going to have to figure out ways of avoiding the temptation of drinking.

Why I drink. (By Ellen Loftis)

Ellen_Loftis — Sat, 05 Jun 2010 00:59:01 +0000

The other day I was at a local shop with my niece. While we were lining up at the check-out, my neice asked if she could have a chocolate bar that was right in front of her.
I asked her “are you even hungry?” She replies “no”, so I ask “do you like that chocolate?”, and she shrugs her shoulders, so I ask her, “well why do you want it then?”
And she replies: “I dont know”.
This simple story just goes to show how much power advertising can have over someone. This includes alcohol.
Im not just talking about commercial media, like ads, tv shows, movies, etc. Im also talking about photos taken at parties, where everyone is looking
all glamorous and dressed to the nines, and perfect straight hair, and make-up, and not to forget the cocktail in hand.
It looks like they are having so much fun, and then the comments below the pics saying “What an awesome night!” or “Remember when you did this?? how funny!!”
Yeh at the beginning it seems cool, but its not. Its not cool to be the most wasted person there. You think your having a good night until a friend stops talking to you
because of something you said to them, or waking up the next morning not knowing half the night’s events. Doing things you regret, and will never forget, or things that
people will never let you forget.
When I am at a social outing with drinks involved, I don’t always feel like drinking, or I don’t always feel like drinking too much. But when I do feel like having a drink,
I’ll have a drink. It looks like everyone is having fun but me, or I’m nervous and don’t really know people, I’ll drink a bit faster, and before I know it, I am gone.
Not gone as in passed out. I’m not me anymore. I become more social, and less inhibited, and thats not necessarily a good thing. It starts out feeling good,
that I can talk to people I usually can’t talk to, I feel like I fit in. Then I go too far. I hate myself when I get so bad. I don’t make any good choices at all.
My mum said to me she saw some movie, where there were people at a bar getting drunk, and there was these things, like evil spirits, just waiting to take control of these
people’s bodies when they become drunk. It actually makes sense to describe being drunk like that. Its like someone else has control of your body and your mind.
Its only been a fairly recent thing the blackouts, but it surely isnt a good sign. I always tell myself I’m not gunna let myself get that bad tonight, but then I do.
I am not sure if I have a drinking problem, I dont like to drink alone, I don’t force myself to drink if I don’t feel like it. If I have been drinking slowly, and come to my limit,
then is easy for me to stop, because I feel sick, and if I drink anymore I will throw up. But when I drink fast, I get beyond that point, and theres no longer a limit to
recognise, especially in that state, there is almost no limits, depending on my level of awareness. Im not talking about being alost passed out, I’m talking about being
there in body only. Its almost like I’m on autopilot or something. An auto-pilot that leaves you with a thirst like nothing else, waking up thinking what the hell happened???
Or actually maybe its better not to know. Enduring the whole day of hoping you didnt do anything you shouldnt have. Looking through your phone too see the damage.
I always say people make mistakes, and I dont regret things, otherwise I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I’m not so sure I like the person I am today. I’m always
learning from mistakes I make, and hoping that I can change avoid serious mistakes in my future.

Hello Sunday Morning » Ellen Loftis

Theres always next week? (By Ellen Loftis)

Why I drink. (By Ellen Loftis)