Ultimately, I feel that I’ve found my balance where I tend to appreciate alcohol most in more intimate settings – particularly late afternoon drinks with mates 1-on-1, shooting the breeze, talking shit and contemplating life.

And yet, having found that balance, I’m checking myself into HSM once again, for the month of March.

“But whyyyyy? Didn’t you already did that?” some of my friends protest.

Because I remember how good I felt – how switched on and alive I was this time last year and I want another taste of it.

I also want to save money for another overseas trip

To build my self-confidence in group settings

To detoxify (I’m also doing 30 days of bikram yoga ha-ha-ha)

And to remind myself that I don’t need a drink to make the most of a moment.

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I’ve been a bit apprehensive about posting these thoughts. But at the end of a day, this is my truth and I hope that in offering an alternative perspective some may find solace in their own being…forgive me if you feel this is a little too ‘deep’ for mainstream media.

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In hindsight, I’ve found that my experiences with HSM have been somewhat atypical to my own expectations. I see now how I aproached HSM from a very introspective, spiritual perspective and sometimes found myself alienated from my peers in the process.

Looking back, I connected those three months of sobriety with change, personal growth, health, purity/clarity of mind and being pro-active. While these are all beautiful things to adopt in the name of evolution, as I neared the finish line I became anxious about going back to drinking and confused with how it would fit in with my new found values.

Eventually this led to an influx of wild emotions and interesting thought streams that in the beginning I welcomed; but in the end found to be somewhat overwhelming and draining at times.

You see, I found that when I did drink again I was disappointed. Alcohol had lost it’s magic. I was frustrated and confused, chasing the euphoria of letting go that I once so adored. Now I am grieving for my lost friend; alcohol, but as I am learning, death can also be a very beautiful thing.

I’ve recently started reading The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali and because life works in such a way, when I opened my book today to open my mind these words comforted me in my journey:

“I remember how much I enjoyed smoking and drinking. Then this Yoga business came in and somehow I don’t have those joys anymore.”

The book goes on to explain that such thoughts are the consequence of ‘Samskaras’ – mental impressions or nostalgic fond memories that one must learn to accept, but not buy into. Not because these things are “bad”, but because continuing to buy into such beliefs is only going to frustrate.

I like the analogy of a child who sets aside a toy they are no longer interested in it– not because the toy is ‘bad’ – but simply because as they grow older, they move on to new interests, new pleasures and new truths.

While I sometimes miss going out and getting wasted just for the hell of it; now and again even envying my peers who continue to enjoy it so, I do feel that I am ready to move on.

I enjoy my life without alcohol (though I am reluctant to identify myself as a ‘non-drinker’ ) and feel confident in socialising without drinking. But although I have come to this conclusion, living in our culture I am led to question myself – am I really over alcohol? Really!? And so I try it again only to be disappointed, or I say to myself and others ‘one day I’ll get back into drinking’. After all, I am only 19 so at times it does feel a bit of an overwhelming premature conclusion to make. But on the other hand, I do feel that I can be happy without it…

In saying this, I also recognise that life is all about creating and expressing who you would ultimately like to be. It’s a process of evolution, movement, learning and personal growth. In acknowledgment of this, I open myself to the possibilities of enjoying alcohol again – I even welcome such a relationship. But I do not wish to force it by pressuring myself into drinking just for the sake of drinking.

I think back to a special person I met early on in the year who didn’t really drink at all but had a talent for living life to the fullest. I’m thankful to have such a reference point and I hope that if others come to the same, genuine conclusion HSM will allow them to be able to accept their choice more easily.

It’s been interesting, talking to people of all ages, from all walks of life about their own relationship to alcohol…

I had an interesting conversation with my uni lecturer last night. He mentioned about how he had been trying to give drinking up for some time, but he finds himself justifying it too easily and that in the industry he works in (advertising/writing) there is such a social pressure, that giving up seems unreasonable.

Upon reflection, I realise that as rebellious teenagers we learn to use alcohol and drug consumption as a ‘status tool’. Often, such beliefs and perceptions adopted at such an age are carried on with us into adulthood…

I’ve found that during conversations such as these – with both adults and peers – most people are ‘over’ alcohol.  They know it’s bad for them, they know they drink too much and too often, but hard as they may try to cut back, the social pressures (along with the perceived benefits of letting go, relaxing, feeling confident etc. etc.) makes cutting back an unrealistic ideal.

I found this reflected in my friends responses too, when I first told them that I was taking on my period of sobriety. Okay, so, not all of them were necessarily ‘over’ drinking BUT their responses were defiantly more curious than hostile. In fact, most were interested to see how this ‘social experiment’ of mine worked out.

While the majority may not wish to give up alcohol for long, I think everyone wants the freedom to be able to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ without feeling pressured. And that is something our society really seems to be lacking right now…

I guess the truth of it is, while the world may have appeared to buy into the alcohol culture, on an individual level most people understand that the way non-drinkers are treated is unreasonable.

Most people want to find that confidence to be in control of their drinking, to be able to have nights off without feeling ridiculed or pressured and to go out sober and to feel confident socializing without it. Problem is, they don’t know how to do so in a way that won’t jeopardise their social life and image.

So to current and future HSM bloggers:

Lead the way.

I don’t really drink anymore. Putting it simply: I just don’t feel that it adds anything to my experiences at this stage in my life.

But for the sake of those who may choose to take my choice personally let’s be clear: I still hold nothing against those who enjoy alcohol. I’ve enjoyed alcohol before and I hope to develop a more balanced relationship with it in the future, but for now: I’m cool without it.

I finished my HSM stint a month ago, and I apologize for not blogging much since – I know I’ve been reluctant to post  recently – pretty much because I’m over analyzing, justifying and explaining why…

And so I offer this instead:

I know you’re reading this because you’re curious…

A part of you gets it. That you don’t need alcohol; that you don’t need to binge drink to have fun. That you’re only holding yourself back in thinking that you do.

This part of you is the seed. It’s what brings you back here every so often.

You want help to make the leap; but you’re afraid.

Afraid of what you might miss out on; afraid of what you might discover about yourself.

And so you come here to get some idea of what you might be up against if you decided to actually take a break from what has now become routine.

Heres the truth: It’s all in your head.

If you worry about what you might ‘miss out’ on in doing HSM…if you worry about what your friends might think of you — what kind of responses or social stigmas you will have to battle with…that you aren’t any fun sober…that drinking is the ultimate reward and life without it would be boring…then that is exactly the kind of experience you will have.

Yet if you decide to take a chance, banish your fears, push out your comfort zone and grow; you’re going to find gold.

Let go of what you think it will involve and stop looking for reassurance.

Jump.

It will be a unique experience for you that you won’t regret. I promise.

And what is three months of your life really?

Nothing.

Go on, I dare you.

Chase freedom; explore the unkown.

Wow, so by chance I stumbled across this interview with Lesley Arfin (you may know her from her book Dear Diary, her column in RUSSH, her contributions to Vice Magazine, her blog, and her 2c worth published in magazines like i-D, Nylon, Jalouse, Purple etc. etc.) Cut to the chase; she’s a cool chick with a flair for writing.

And I would never have guessed it; but it turns out she’s a non-drinker.

You can read the interview here.

I finish HSM in a week.

And I’m really proud of myself – that I actually did this.

Without regrets.

Though many of you might see this as no great stint, telling yourself “I could do that”, the truth is you could. But will you?

The challenge for me has not so much been in the doing, but in the commitment – and those who know me well know I am not one to commit to much – unless I am truly passionate about the cause.

The cause I am passionate about, that pushed me to do this is not so much “youth binge drinking” (though I have found it to be an interesting, insightful and effective reflection), but rather, empowering others to realise their freedom to choose. That is, to make choices “just because I want to” without any further justification.

I want to see a world where preferences are presented as a fact not an argument.

HSM gave me an avenue to explore this more and has provoked many interesting conversations with my peers.

After all these nights out sober I’ve found myself drunk on the moment – realising that alcohol actually plays very little part in the possibilities of the night ahead. Though there were times when I have wanted a drink – it was more just an example of my previous conditioning – that a drink would make a fine, relaxing reward for a hard days work – or would be an easy shortcut to switch off from the pressures of reality. And that’s the justification process my ego likes to use to get me to follow the crowd.

‘Going dry’ I’ve had to learn how to enjoy life in other ways, which I’ve actually found to be more rewarding. I’ve also been more present in my relationships with friends, spending more time getting to know and love them for who they are.

Going forward I am curious to see what happens next as my relationship with alcohol evolves and continues…as the choice to-drink-or-not-to-drink falls back into my hands.

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What I’ve gained from this experience:

The freedom to come and go as I please – screw social expectations – life’s too short to spend time pretending you are having fun

The ability to dance shamelessly in public

The confidence to express myself more truthfully

The motivation to do the things I’d always wanted to do, but had previously put off for one reason or another

A higher emotional intensity – in a good way. I’ve learnt to feel again – the highest highs (which have come far more often) and the lowest lows (which can also be experienced as heartbreakingly beautiful)

And perhaps most importantly; a newfound fascination with the world and a deeper appreciation for all that it has to offer, along with the will to GO AFTER IT.

Driving down to the coast this weekend, listing to a compilation CD of the rock and roll I’m into at the moment left me yearning for a shot of spirits – Whiskey, Vodka, Rum or Tequilla – without a rational explanation.

It’s a default reaction to the associated ‘rock and roll’ inspiration I’ve embraced via association over the years.

Oh the allure of getting drunk…It’s pain and pleasure distilled into one.

The sharp bite and burning sensation of the throat followed by…freedom…glee…escape.

It’s a holiday from reality in a bottle. Both a punishment and a reward.

What do I want to escape from?

Nothing I can think of that is present in this stage of my life…But, it was my escape method in the past when I wasn’t so comfortable with my life. And while all the pain and confusion that evoked that escape plan has faded, the fun of drinking has still remained.

Perhaps its like…I resonate with that music because of the past experiences it seems to capture – so eloquently. As I listen it takes me back. And feeling similarly I begin to create a fantasy film clip of myself, dealing by the bottle…I’m being a drama queen.

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This wasn’t at all what I had in mind for this blog, and I don’t even know what’s encouraged those words to spill out from my fingertips.

So dark and black…that’s not me?

What I did have in mind for this post was something to do with the lack of inspiring, creative and ‘badass’ (because I’m not interested in people who play by the rules) role models out there who don’t drink or abuse drugs.

I can’t think of any who are iconic within our age group that I am inspired by…perhaps you can suggest some?

[And yeah, yeah yeah, I am inspired by spiritual leaders like Deepak Chopra, Eckhart Tolle and Neal Donald Walsh, and they don’t abuse drugs or alcohol, but those guys are ‘grown ups’ their youth is behind them...]

A friend of mine confided in me the other day.

She said:

“I’ve  started having thoughts about what life is about…how drinking only helps me when I wanna stop thinking…and how I need to get drunk to feel free.

Anyway I don’t like being wasted anymore – I want to enjoy my life without alcohol and cigarettes…but it’s not easy…for example, last night I got drunk just because I was feeling confused. It’s just the people around me don’t believe I can change and every time I have a cigarette or get tipsy they are alike ‘ooh we knew it wasn’t going to last!’.

I was thinking of how I like being drunk because people accept you when you behave oddly or childish…Just the other night I wasn’t drinking and was just trying to be myself in a good mood and I was pretty much the same as I am when I am drunk – doing what I wanted because it was fun – but my peers didn’t really get it and were asking “what did you take?” It was so annoying!

Are we only allowed to have fun when we are drunk or what?”

I thought these are interesting observations of hers, and at times I’ve observed exactly those kinds of reactions with peers too…

Wondering what your thoughts are on all this…?

I’ve been struggling to write a post this fortnight that I am happy with. I have been enjoying the HSM experience. It’s really opened my eyes and my heart to life…encouraged me to push past the societal boundaries of what is normal. Encouraged me to think, reflect and grow, seek natural highs and to be more confident in my own skin. But as much as I’ve had some of the most glorious experiences this past 1.5 months I’ve also felt frustrated, confused and overwhelmed at times. And though those feelings are not all directly related to HSM, there are conections and so I’ll share some of my thoughts with you here.

What’s been on my mind and bringing me down every now and again is the emphasis on being “normal”.

This idea that we have to live up to the expectations of others, and justify our actions – especially when they go against the grain. And apparently “just because I want to” is not enough of an explanation.

Consider the difference between “normal” and “natural”.

‘Normal’ means something usually done. ‘Natural’ is how you are when you’re not trying to be ‘normal’! Natural and normal are not the same thing. In any given moment you can do what you normally do, or you can do what comes naturally… If you react fearfully, resentfully, angrily, you may be acting normally, but you will never be acting naturally. - Neal Donald Walsch

What particularly troubles me is how what is natural (and often a healthier option) is often not considered normal. Instead, our culture normalizes things like binge drinking, eating heavily processed foods, sleeping less and consumerism using slogans like “live a little” to promote such behaviors. Those who choose to live more naturally are often labeled “health freaks”, “boring” and “weird” unless they can come up with a good excuse for their alternative behavior.

During this HSM journey it has been interesting hearing many adults comment on feeling under pressure to drink or justify. (So it’s not just a youth thing!) Even for them – in their mid 30s and 40s – the only excuse for not drinking that seems to suffice in their own peer group is “I’m the designated driver”. One woman even mentioned that she can’t drink due to health problems and yet she doesn’t feel that people recognize that as a legitimate excuse.

It reminds me of this moment:
A few years ago on a Friday night, a bunch of us were gathered ready to go out for a wild one when plans fell through. We were all left a little disappointed trying to figure out how to make the most of the rest of the night. I gave it an hour and then I got bored and tired and just felt like going home to chill out – hopefully make something out of the next day instead. Yet when I went to excuse myself my ‘friends’ tried to guilt trip me into staying.

When I did finally get myself out of there, waiting on the street for a cab, two others came down asking to share the cab with me. Fine by me, I’m not one to hold a grudge but thought it was interesting as these same people were so eager to keep the party going 5 minutes ago. I mentioned this to them, and they admitted that they just “didn’t want to be left behind”. A part of them knew that the night wasn’t going to go anywhere, but they were also afraid of leaving and if the night did get interesting ‘missing out’. In short, having me there – or “more people on the same boat” – made them feel better.

Anyway, my point is this:
I’d really love to see a world where our personal preferences are presented and accepted as a fact. Not an argument. Free off justifications. Free to do things simply because it’s your desire. Free.

“Corona. From where you’d rather be”

“Barcardi Silver. Your night just got more interesting”

“Pursue your daydreams. Vive Cuervo”

Yep, alcohol can be awesome. It breaks the ice and gets everyone to loosen up – conversation just seems to flow more freely, drink in hand.

It’s a symbol of freedom from reality. A time to let you hair down, socialise, flirt, live and enjoy the moment.

 Although no-one really needs more than a drink or two to get two to enjoy the benefits of alcohol and get into a pleasant state of grace, in my experience not many of us have the will power to stop at two drinks. Often, not even three.

Which leads me to believe that perhaps we are actually buying into something more…?

From studying advertising, I’ve discovered a lot about brand image and marketing. The goal in brand building is to not just sell the product, but also to create a desirable brand image that consumers can essentially buy into. In this way a brand becomes a symbol of expression, a way of sending a message out to those around you of the kind of person you are or aspire to be.

I know I know, advertising doesn’t affect you. But you know what? I think it’s influenced me.

Confession: I’ve used alcohol to express myself symbolically.

Looking back at my dates with alcohol in the past – I’ve often imagined that in my drinking I was expressing something cool. Emulating another version of that world of freedom and fun you see on the billboards and between the glossy pages of your favourite magazine.  

Perhaps I’d order a cocktail at a trendy bar to appear sophisticated.

Or I’d drink wine at a family gathering to display my adult-ness.

Maybe I’d drink a beer with the boys to prove I am a laid back and easy going gal.

Or  I’d down some straight spirits to show my “badass”, rebellious side – symbolising my eagerness to escape reality and have a wild night.

It all seemed very glamorous at the time…

In contrast, looking at sobriety’s depiction in modern media, the interpretation I am left with of a non-drinker at a party is “I’m a square”.

Which of course is a thought I’ve now dismissed…and dare to challenge

So, what am I aiming to express in not drinking?

That I don’t need anything to have a good time.

“ Hello Sunday Morning. Enjoy Everything. Need Nothing.”

I’ve thought about this a lot over the years – long before I would even consider taking on a period of sobriety like this…Why would I choose to drink or do drugs? What provokes someone to take that leap of faith and try out a new substance despite the associated risks?

My conclusion?

Image.

Now bear with me,

In life, I think one’s purpose is not to find oneself; but to create oneself.

To do so, we look at the world around us for inspiration and we do live in such a beautiful and diverse world of possibilities!

From what we see, we may choose to adopt or reject certain attitudes, values, beliefs and behaviours. And as naturally follows, we draw on these inspirations to build up our own unique “image” or “identity”. It’s our primary mode of expression as humans and this identity can stay static or change as often as we so choose.

As a teenager I subscribed to a few different identity influences –  most of which glamorised the use and abuse of alcohol and drugs. I was fascinated by characters like Edie Sedgwick in Factory girl, Holly Golightly in Breakfast at Tiffany’s and the life of Basquiat.

I was also (and still am) in awe of the life and works of artists Ryan McGinley, Dash Snow, Ellen Von Unwerth and Nan Goldin. Their ability to document an alternate reality of shameless freedom and reckless abandon invites me to go beyond any societal limitations and see the world as a playground of opportunity.

To me, these inspirations were able to capture and document the life of freedom I’d been chasing, yet, only recently found .

In my former years, I dreamed of living like these art-gods and saw alcohol as an easy connecter to their world. After all, they were almost always under the influence of something! I wanted to share part of their warped reality and alcohol was right there, inviting me to join them – or so I thought.

For this reason, I never really got embarrassed for being drunk. I thought I was cool like them “not giving a shit” and “making the most of my youth”…Oh how wrong I was…

Looking back, for one reason or another, I was focusing on their ability to “get fucked up” - which facilitated their enchanting lifestyle - rather than the actual meaning of the works I so admired. I was young…still learning. I didn’t get the big picture. It was a phase. A journey…a trip…augmented by my insecurity as a teenager still deciding how to approach this game called life.

Now, two years on, I still appreciate what these inspirations stand for, but, I want to go one step further than them. Live a life of crazy freedom without relying on alcohol to facilitate the creation of such a reality.

As Chris says, confidence is our first nature yet we have trained our self to believe it is something we need to work at. Kids aren’t born feeling guilty, self conscious or shameful about anything – we teach them to care.

Anyway, I just wanted to share that little bit of  insight with you, knowing that image isn’t something us humans tend to talk about very openly and honestly. I think most of us are embarrassed to admit that we aspire to be like other people – perhaps some of us feel it’s not compatible with the motto “be yourself”, though, I beg to differ.

I think that through looking around us and being inspired by what we see, we can create only better and better versions of ourselves.

It’s not about wanting to be someone else, but rather, looking around you, learning from others and creating your own unique identity based on what you see and admire.

I remember early “teen-hood” events like school dances where I was, quite literally, intoxicated with the adventure of the night – meeting new people, the excitement of flirting with cute boys and dancing the night away to trashy 90′s classics.

Funny thing is I truly remember feeling ‘drunk’ on the atmosphere – disinhibited, confident and high on life!

But then it’s like once alcohol came into the picture and it was (more-than) socially acceptable to get drunk I forgot entirely how to be confident and have fun without it.

It reminds me of this little parable:

“Two thousand years after the birth of Nazism, in a bar in Tokyo, a city that has been inhabited for five centuries now by tall, blue-eyed people, Hans and Fritz are enjoying a beer. At one point, Hans looks at Fritz and asks:
“Fritz, do you think it was always like this?”
“What?” asks Fritz.
“The world.”
“Of course the world was always like this, isn’t that what we were taught?“
“Of course, I don’t know what made me ask such a stupid question,” says Hans.
They finish their beer, talk about other things and forget the question entirely.”

I think a lot changes with time and it’s easy to forget how things used to be, especially when everyone is talking about how great things are now, in this ‘modern world’.

What I am interested in now is the past – particularly the magic of childhood experiences. Where did that curious, carefree mindset go? Why did I let it go? How can I see the world like that again? Because God knows – I had fun!

One of my favorite books I’ve read recently is the Zahir, by Paulo Coelho. It’s a novel – though very much based on the author’s own experiences. One of the themes of this book that has really stuck with me is this idea of the Acomodador.

The Acomodador is South-American witchdoctor term used to describe an event in one’s life which prohibits further progress. Coelho explains in this blog entry that it could be “a trauma, a particularly bitter defeat, disappointment in love, even a victory that we fail to quite understand, ends up making us act cowardly and incapable of moving ahead. The witchdoctor finds and gets rid of this “accommodating point”. To do so, he has to review our life and discover where this point lies.”

I think that the accommodator is a pretty common thing for us humans to experience. It’s a label for those moments when you feel immobilized, sick of trying and ‘not getting there’, dreading the embarrassment of failure for one reason or another. I know that I have accommodating points in my life that have resulted in unnecessary inhibitions.

One personal example is this:

When I was in grade 8 at high school I thought dancing was fun. Of course I had no rhythm and no coordination, but just having that way of expressing one’s self through movement was so natural, energizing and fun.

Until, one day, some girl at school told me that I was a “BAD dancer.” And so, the naive little me stopped dancing. Embarrassed, I lost the confidence to ‘be myself’ – the me that danced confidently and freely as a mode of expression, for fun.

When people asked me to dance, I’d tell them ‘I didn’t know how to’, reinforcing this particular Acomodador as a part of my identity.

When alcohol came into the picture, I found that I could dance confidently enough once again after a couple of drinks on a Saturday night. In fact dancing and drinking tended to go hand in hand from that point on.

But, reflecting on this, I don’t want my ability to let loose be limited to those times I am inebriated.

When I lived in San Francisco, I would often see random people dancing in the streets and in the park (there were a lot of buskers around – it’s a musical city). And sure, some people would point and laugh – “check out that chick breaking it down on the street”. But secretly I admired those people, and that’s who I want to be now. That crazy stranger dancing on the street as they listen to their iPod.

From my travelling experiences, I know that one of the best things about being away from home is the opportunity to rebuild your identity and be who you want to be. Because no-one knows you, they don’t expect you to be anything in particular. You have a blank canvas to re-create yourself.

Back home, surrounded by old friends and family, I’ve often struggled to change – despite my best intentions, simply because I allowed myself to continue to live up to my old identity. Internally, I would lay out what I wanted to change, but I wouldn’t really declare it publicly. Thus, I wasn’t really committed to it. I had these identifying thoughts I held on to like “Jiv is a bad dancer” “Jiv doesn’t dance unless she’s drunk” which soon became beliefs (after all, a belief is only a thought that you keep thinking …).

In addition, alcohol would give me the courage to go out and be the new person I wanted to be. Yet when sober, something was holding me back. While I’ve found alcohol to be an effective temporary coping reaction to my “acomodadors”, for any progress to be made, I need to be comfortable changing my self for real. Time to try something else …

This year I’ve set forward my intentions to change publicly. When I found the courage to say to my friends and family “I’m not that kind of person anymore … I’m going to be this person” my family and most of my friends listened and genuinely wanted to support me. It makes the whole metamorphosis easier. And that’s what I have been doing this last week and a half.

While I know it is still early days – I have noticed some psychological changes already. I don’t feel so overwhelmed or held back and I’ve been dancing publicly – sometimes even without any music! And now that I’ve shown myself that I can do that – and enjoy it – I have no real reason to continue telling myself what I “can” and “can’t” do – sober or drunk.

I started drinking at the age of 14.

A moment of truth: for me, it was an act of rebellion and a means of escape. Being the eldest, I was the ‘experiment child’ and my parents kept me on a tight leash. To compensate, I was always going behind their backs creating and destroying a world outside their boundaries.

I remember around this age, coming home to an empty house – a rare opportunity.

I wasn’t feeling on top of the world that day and I’d heard this thing called alcohol was a good way to deal with negative emotions. Taking advantage of having the house to myself  I went straight to my parents liquor collection. I don’t know what I drank, but it was enough to make all my anger, sad thoughts and negativity go away. Enough to forget and feel free.

Of course that wasn’t a normal thing for me – to drink alone. More often as I grew up I drinking was done in social situations. Yet for one reason or another, I always seemed to end up drinking more than my peers – sometimes to dilute social awkwardness and sometimes simply out of boredom, but most often because that’s what people our age did.

Like a lot of people who abuse alcohol, I was very good at hiding it from my parents – I know they love and care for me deeply and would have been horrified to know the full extent of my drinking. After a while I got a reputation for being a heavy drinker and for a while I revelled in that title – challenging friends to drink more than me…And my teenage years of partying went just like that – a drunken haze of laughing off embarrassment and sleeping through Sunday’s hangover.

Since leaving school, I don’t tend get as drunk as I used to – that is I haven’t thrown up or blacked out in ages –but I do drink much more frequently. Now that I am of legal drinking age, during the week I often drink at meal times and enjoy catching up with friends over a drink or three after uni/work. And as for weekends…well we’ve all been to The Valley on a Friday or Saturday night and know how easily one can lose track…

Considering this I realize that to a large degree, drinking is often no longer a conscious choice, but a reaction or habit – something I just do in certain situations without much thought other than ‘it is time’.

For me, Hello Sunday Morning is a new story – a new adventure – of self exploration and personal development. It’s taken me a while to get to this point – to actually step out of my comfort zone and ask the question – ‘why is it that I drink so often, so ritualistically?’ And ‘why don’t I feel comfortable at a party, bar or club if I don’t have a drink in my hand?’ These are the questions I will be exploring and overcoming in the next three months and I look forward to sharing my thoughts with you.

In taking on this HSM challenge my main goals are to redefine my choice as an individual and live more consciously. That is, to actually think about the choices I make and choose what I want – not take the easy option of following what I have done in the past or what others around me are doing.

I also want to become more confident in social situations – have the courage to do everything I want to do shamelessly; release my inhibitions naturally and enjoy the ‘now’ moments of life more fully.

Finally, I want to inspire others to take a step back and consider their own relationship with alcohol. How is it serving you?

Before I sign off, I just want to get one thing clear:

I don’t think that drinking is bad. Nor do I think that alcohol itself is is the devil.

In fact, I really like alcohol!

But I think that it is important to consider why it is you like a particular thing, where it fits in your life and at which point does it move from a vice to an addiction?

So here I go, taking on the HSM challenge: 90 days without that liquid courage.

Now watch me grow : )