12 Month Stint – 106 Days to Go (by Katherine Humphreys)
1:43 pm in Katherine Humphreys by Katherine
It’s been a while – I’d like to say the absence was enjoyable, but somehow it doesn’t fit.
I’d say, that the last few months have been tumultuous, to say the least.
When you start a Hello Sunday Morning Challenge, you can’t help but count the days. Whether your doing a 3, 6 or 12 month gig, the first few days are novelty, that eventually becomes obsolete once you start realising that it’s not as easy as you thought or you at the very least realise your social life starts diminishing – mainly by choice.
I gave up counting somewhere between the 150 day mark and now. To be honest, the choice became a lifestyle, and the consequences of my previous compulsive behaviour started to really impact on me at a personal level. I started to realise that I lacked the basic coping mechanisms to deal with cloudy days, and emotional instability.
We’re always taught that alcohol is a depressant. However, for some reason it was the only time I ever felt happy – looking back now, it was all fake. For me, it was escapism, release, and some way I could cause pain to myself, without directly ‘cutting’ or actively physically maiming myself. Not entirely a healthy attitude, yet an attitude that resembles one that many teens/adults/people probably share.
I’ve prided myself on being a strong, independent individual and for the first time in my life, I reached a point this year, where I wasn’t. I lost all control; I literally sat down in a heap and cried. I cried for the frustration, for the anger, for the resentment, for the wasted time, for the hurt, but in that moment I was literally crying…. Because I couldn’t straighten one side of my hair. It was probably at that point I thought that something wasn’t quite right. I’d become reserved, morose, moody, and extremely anxious. All these were present in my life before, but never simultaneously.
It’s something that’s not talked about, it’s almost as though it’s still got a bit of a stigma attached too it. Let’s be honest, it does. So I’ll just throw it out there: I’m currently suffering from a condition commonly known as depression.
Let’s cut a long story short, but for me the biggest step was the acknowledgment. It’s the acceptance that I actually didn’t know what the hell was going on. I’m not a big ‘pill popper’ – water fixes a headache, not Panadol. So taking a tiny tablet every day, made me feel like someone who had lost their autonomy and had succumbed to some ‘Big Brother watching, zombie world’ where everyone in it is controlled by these little pills. It’s been 4 months: this is not the case (at least I don’t think so)
Through a bit of a team approach – GP/Pscyh/Family and friends, I’m back in the zone, and feeling, let’s be honest, about a thousand times better. It’s funny though, during my analysis I was asked if I had made any drastic life changes, or if I had quit smoking, or drugs. I casually mentioned I stopped drinking, after years of binge drinking. My GP and Pscyh both agreed that for the last x amount of years, I’ve used drinking as a coping mechanism for emotional instability, as an avoidance tactic, and as a crux for anything else that I was too emotionally immature to handle. Funny that at 25 years old these issues are only just rearing their ugly heads, what’s going to happen to the younger generation that are drinking earlier and harder than mine?
Anyway – I’m glad to be back – fit and healthy. Strong minded, and motivated as ever.
I’ve got 106 days to go (Yes that’s right people 106!!!!!!!) My 12 month stint is nearly over – I am excited at the prospect of having a choice to drink again, but I’m more excited that I will actually achieve my goal.
Thanks for reading
Katherine x



