And, suffice to say, I was pretty damn chuffed with myself.

I got great satisfaction from NOT being one of the drunkest guests at the wedding. I got great satisfaction that I was NOT one of those people swaying at the end of the night. I was NOT encroaching on other people’s personal space. I was NOT spitting (or sitting) on anyone whilst talking too close to their face, cracking onto someone inappropriate, or dropping my drink on the dance-floor.

If felt good NOT to be that person!

While I originally signed up for a three month HSM gig, I’m thinking about extending it to six months. I feel I’ve got lots more to learn and more fun to be had. Binge drinking has been a thorn in my side for many years; it’s created a barrier that I’ve used to keep people from getting close to me.

It’s been over two months – and I don’t even really feel like drinking now. I don’t believe I’m missing out on anything that does me much good. Sure, I miss the stress release, the giggles, and the relaxation that comes with getting together with friends for a drink on Friday night.

But I’ve got the rest of my life to do that.

Although I’m not getting any action in the romance department – I understand now I’m looking for more than an alcohol fuelled love affair anyway.

I’m worrying less and less about how the future is going to play out, or things that have happen in the past. I don’t know what kind of person I will be in the future. I don’t know how my life will play out.  All I can do in concentrate on being present in every moment. Because I only have this moment, this very second, to choose to be the person I want to be.

Until next time, HSM love to you all…

XOXO

*Dr Jekyll voice* – “Go on, just go out and get wasted. Be self destructive. Make shitty choices. Cry in the corner. Let your hair down. Call in sick on Monday. Bury your head in the sand. What do you think this is going to achieve? Go on. Why not? Just have drink, it’s a safe bet.”

*Mr Hyde voice* – “Gee it feels good not drinking. Hello Sunday morning. Hello life! Wow, look what I have achieved already. I think I like the new me. Fuck, what do I do now? Fuck, what do I actually want to do        now? Fuck, I don’t know. Maybe I should just get drunk.”

And on it goes.

Wouldn’t it be easy to slip back into old patterns? Yes, it would. I’m not about to chuck it in or anything -my Mr Hyde voice is winning! Rather, I’m realising, acknowledging and accepting that this is tough.

If a sobriety challenge was going to be easy, I would have done it years ago.

Jekyll and Hyde

I’m 26 y/o and I live in Melbourne. This is my first HSM post – so hello new friends. I’ve taken a 3 month HSM challenge because, for far too long, Tuesday’s have been rough in my world. Terrible backlashes from weekend boozing take hold on my psyche. I feel sad, find it impossible to concentrate at work and wonder what the hell I’m doing with my life.

For much of the last 10 years, I have been partying hard on weekends. I had my first drink at backyard party when I was 15. It was like a magic cure for shyness – and I couldn’t get enough of it. Over the past 12 months, I’ve made some poor choices whilst intoxicated – which I believe I would not have otherwise made.

I’m ready now to make a change.

So that’s what has brought me here – the desire to peel back the layers and find out what is underneath. I don’t want to stop drinking forever – but I want to relearn my relationship with alcohol and be conscious about the reasons why, when and how much I choose to drink.

I’m in my 5^th week (I’ve been sitting on the fence for a while without blogging!). It’s been hard and easy so far.  I hang with a boozy crew – lots of birthday parties, weddings, dinner parties and afternoons spent in beer gardens.

One of my HSM goals is to consistently push myself to go out in social situations as a non drinker and be out of my comfort zone. Needless to say, I’ve been drinking a lot of soda water and learning a shitload.

Here are a few things I’ve learnt so far (in no particular order):

• I make better choices when I’m not intoxicated and this makes me happy
• A good night is even better when you can remember it
• High heels really hurt
• Alcohol is not the defining factor in having a ‘fun night’. Rather, a ‘fun night’ can depend on heaps of factors including; location, chosen company, timing, expectations and personal attitude.

Here’s to another couple of months of self discovery, challenges, learning, laughter and tears. I live in the now and I look forward to Tuesdays.