Why is it that we often answer this question in such a negative vain? Not bad… Is that the same as not good? If our everyday lives are merely ‘not bad’, then what will our answer be when something real actually goes wrong?

At a time when more than half of the worlds people live in poverty, what have we really got to complain about. I don’t know your individual situation, but for the most part, we in Australia are fairly privileged, educated, healthy and most of all we have access to a multitude of resources that are there just to help.

‘Not bad’?! Pffft I am great! I have a full bill of health, I have a great job, I live above the poverty line, have great friends and so on. What have I got to complain about?

I read a story recently of a girl who was born with no left kidney, hip or leg. She had a number of surgeries before her 5th birthday and doctors were sure she would not survive. She did survive. Not only that, but she went on to start an orphanage for underprivelaged children in India. She was born with only one leg, yet she saw herself as privileged.

I ask again what have we really got to complain about?

Life is relative. Without something bad, we don’t know how good good is. Without some pain, pleasure is never as good. If you have no money, $5 will make a difference. If you have never eaten a bad steak, how do you know what a really good steak tastes like?

I haven’t written a blog for a while. this is partly due to working silly hours and not finding the time, and partly to do with the fact that I have kind of fallen short of the 6 months goal. I will be taking up the challenge again in march, which will lead to some exciting things to write about, but in the meantime, i have not had too much to say. Life is great, work is great… but looooong. I have been on a path to self discovery and I like what i have found. If nothing else comes out of this experience I will still be happy and greatful for it.

It has been a week of reflection once again. This time for a different reason. . . Last weekend I fell off the horse, I caved in, I broke, whatever you want to call it. Short version is I had a beer, then I had a few more. I am not going to make excuses or rationalize, as that would cheapen what I have achieved and set me up to fall short of the mark again next time.
That’s right, I have decided that I will be doing another HSM, this time 3 months, starting sometime in march. I will not drink for the remainder of my initial 6 months, ending on the 19th of February and then have a few weeks to reset and prepare myself for the experience to begin all over again.

I don’t want this blog to be all negative, and I promised in my last post that I would fill ya’ll in on some of what’s been happening, so now for the ‘good stuff’.
I am working in my new job still, and am in negotiations for some sort of a promotion / pay rise already. It has become abundantly clear that I am where I am supposed to be right now, and that is a great feeling. I have been working some ridiculous hours; average of 13 hours and the longest 18.5 hours (7:00am to 12:30am) for the past week and a half, so my out of work life has been a bit slow lately. But like I said, after less than 3 months in the job, I am already moving forward, so that has to be positive.

I have another confession; I went back to my ex-fiancé. . Again. That ended in hurt…  me hurting. But now I know that that is not where I am supposed to be, who I am supposed to be with. She does not fit into the life and future that I am paving for myself. So I wish her all the best, and I keep right on moving forward with my life.

I thought a lot about if I should include that last paragraph or not. She is a very private person and would definitely prefer if I didn’t, but this forum is a place that I am supposed to write about my experiences. She formed part of this experience, was part of my life. So while I know she might not like to see that, I know that she has helped to lay the foundation for my future, set me in motion, building up momentum for what is going to be the best year of my life.

One thing that I have done ‘for me’ in the past few weeks was to hike up mt. Lofty. It’s a 3.8 km treck, mostly up hill, at the top of which, you are rewarded with this view:

Adelaide, from a higher perspective

This is not a huge feat; many people (mainly young, fit females) do this every week, but it formed a great reflection point and metaphor for my HSM experience: through the pain and struggle, come great reward. Through the tightness of my chest, the pain in my calf’s I reached deeper and made it to the summit, an was rewarded with the view illustrated above. A view of Adelaide that you can only get from on top of mt. Lofty.

So, it has been a bit of a fortnight of high’s and low’s, but ultimately, I continue to be happy with the experience that this program has bought me. Without the low’s, the high’s are never as sweet. Without the failure I spoke of at the beginning of this post, the reflection of the high points would not have had the same meaning. I’m not saying that it was a good thing, but it happened and it has shaped this HSM experience in a different way that it otherwise would have looked.

oh and one last thing; if you have commented on my recent posts, thank you! I have read your comments (on my email) and they have meant a lot to me, I have just not been organised enough to respond to them. It has been a real pleasure to hear from you that i am having an impact on your experience.

?Something as insignificant as a nail, weighing a few grams, can puncture a tyre, stopping a car, weighing a few ton.

I have been reflecting recently over the experience that I have had through my HSM. I am astounded to find that most of the memorable moments of the last (almost) 5 months have been, at the time, insignificant;

Reading a book in a park as the sun goes down, seeing the beauty and wonder that is a sunset;

Taking half an hour to just stop, turn the tv / radio / computer off and enjoy what I have around me, wether it’s company or solitude or a place. I have learnt to appreciate what I have;

That moment of satisfaction, at the gym or on my bike where every muscle is telling me to stop, and I do one more set or one more kilometer;

All of these things are fleeting. I will never see the same sunset, experience the same moment, that half an hour will never come by again. All of these things have seemed insignificant at the time, yet looking back and thinking about what has made this ‘journey’ so memorable, I am not flooded with thoughts of big events or experiences, but a multitude of these small, ‘insignificant’ moments. They have rolled together to form something far more significant, something that has allowed me to grow and learn so much about myself.

It puts a lot of life in perspective. What effect is my inSignificant word going to have on that person? My inSignificant smile to the person packing my groceries? My inSignificant $100 donation to the flood victims, suffering hundreds of billions of dollars of damage an loss.

I will post another blog this weekend, with a bit more about what has been going on for me lately. In the meantime, I want to end this with a question:

If a nail can stop a car, what action of inSignificance can I do today, that will make a difference in the world around me?

It has been a little while since my last post, due to my laptop expiring. Everything was going so well, something had to go wrong.

This is of corse sarcasm. And another example of how much I have changed over the last three-and-a-half months. Yeah I have to spend more money to replace my old laptop, but is that so bad? Old me would say “yes – I need that money for… Well I don’t know what, but trust me, I will spend it on something” new me is looking at it more like an opportunity. I finally have an excuse to upgrade to a Mac. And besides, now that I don’t waste so much money on booze and cigarettes (4 months tomorrow without a smoke) I have a little extra cash.

Life has been a bit hectic lately, what with a new job, a few new hobbies, going to church again and starting to date again, and I can’t help but feel that this is just the beginning. My whole life up to now has been a warm up. I have been stagnant, waiting for my real life to begin. Now that it has, I cant wipe the smile off my face! Even people I have met since beginning this have commented on the difference that they can see in me.

I know that sounds corny. But I can’t think of a non-corny way to say it. Give me a break, I’m sitting on a bus! I know I have said it before in previous posts, but I’m going to say it again anyway: I really am excited by my life and what it holds for me around the next bend. This is what life is about; the excitement of the next step.

I was planning on writing something a little more inspired, but since I have to write this on my iPhone, while on a train which is about to stop, I will leave it at this for now.

Stretching my comfort zone…

Most people are a bit bewildered by that phrase, thinking ‘that means that I have to do something I don’t like’, but that’s not the case. It means doing things that you wouldn’t normally do, or doing things that you would do, but in a manner you normally wouldn’t do them (ie going to a club sober). As you may have picked up by now if you have read any of my previous posts, this is what HSM is all about for me; not about booze, but about me and a bit of self-discovery.

So what have I been doing to stretch my comfort zone lately? Well firstly I am writing a blog open for the world to see! I have been making a point of being as active as I possibly can, enjoying every moment and milking the days for all I can get out of them. I have never been one to plan too far ahead, claiming that I like to be spontaneous, or to organize events, because, well I am just plain laze I guess, so that is something I have made an effort to change. You see, my friends aren’t doing HSM, so their weekends have no reason to change. So I have been planning ahead, making sure that if I make a plan, I stick to it, and I have even arranged an event or two.

People have been asking me lately what I do with my weekends if I don’t drink, saying that I must be pretty bored. Well, it is not. Last weekend, I had a 4 day weekend, in between finishing my time with my old job on Thursday and starting my new job on Tuesday. In the four days, I played golf twice, went kayaking for 4 hours, babysat my 3 nephews for 4 hours (all of whom are under 5) played lawn bowls with my old work social club, went to church, helped some mates prep a concreting job and then on Monday helped them lay something like 21 square meters of concrete. All in all I would say that was a pretty fulfilling weekend.

It was a lot of fun, and you probably wouldn’t think any comfort zones were stretched, or even touched there, but they were; I went kayaking with 12 of my mates. The whole thing was planned by me a month in advance and I was responsible for it happening or not. Like I said before, I don’t make plans, especially plans for a group of people. I gave up two mornings in the name of helping some mates who are trying to start a business. That meant giving up two “night before’s”. I played a game that I know I am not good at, with people I don’t know very well and just had fun, despite knowing I would almost definitely lose.

These are not ground breaking revelations, I know, but they are small stepping stones on this journey. I was talking to someone the other day who was telling me about other cultures and the way they shape our confidence levels etc. one example he gave me was that in South America, it is not un-common for a guy to approach a complete stranger on the side of the road to ask her out. That is almost unheard of here, at least in Adelaide it is. So that is my goal for the next month; to ask someone out, not necessarily on the side of the road, but somewhere unconventional, like the corner store or on the bus, where it is unexpected.

So anyway, I have to get on with some other stuff now (planning a charter fishing tour) and get some rest – buying a new bike tomorrow so I need all the energy I can get to go for a ride after work.

Well, it has been a while since my last post…

I am pleased to report that I have made it past the 2 month mark of HSM and am continuing on, full steam ahead. I want to say that HSM has become a normal part of my life, but in reality, alcohol and the pub and that whole ‘scene’ have ceased being a part of my life. I don’t finish work and think ‘I wish I could have a beer’ anymore, nor do I spend all afternoon on Friday trying to work out where we are going to go, instead planning what am I going to do on Saturday morning…

It started with squash, which I would never have even attempted after a night out, but despite the fact that I am fairly average at the sport, I really enjoy it. I have never been a big fan of golf, but a few mates are keen enough to own a set of clubs, so that was the second choice for a Saturday morning, first just at the driving range, but it is fast becoming a regular occurrence for 9 or 18 holes on a Saturday morning or Sunday afternoon.  The next thing on my list is coming up first Saturday of November, when I have arranged for a group of us to go kayaking. For 4 hours. I literally can’t wait!

Even during the week I have been feeling completely energised and wake up ready to take whatever the day throws at me head on, even if that means getting up extra early to go to the gym before work. Someone said to me recently that they don’t know how I am still doing it. The answer is pretty simple – I am living life and wouldn’t want it any other way. I don’t know how people continue to wake up on a Saturday or Sunday morning with no recollection about the previous night and a splitting headache, with the possibility of spending a good part of the day hugging the ceramic throne. Before HSM, I would not have been able to commit to anything on a weekend morning, due to the fact that the person with the hangover was almost definitely going to be me. Now, I love the idea of getting up and going for a run, or walking down to a park to read a book under a tree as the sun comes up and the day begins. All is still quiet. It is peaceful. There is much to be said for taking time out of the ‘hustle and bustle’ of modern life, stepping out of the technology driven mayhem and spending some time reading a good, old fashioned book, with real old fashioned paper and ink. I have never been one to do a lot of reading, if any at all, but since starting HSM, I have read at least half a dozen good books.

In other aspects of life, I am still single, but have stepped out of my comfort zone there too, with a few *sober* dates. Not too many sparks flying with anyone yet, but at least I can say that I have crossed the ‘sober dating’ milestone.
I have recently resigned from my job, which was causing me a great deal of turmoil and stress. I did this after spending a few weeks mulling over what it is that I want to do next, when out of nowhere I received a phone call with a job offer. The job is an awesome opportunity to develop myself in other avenues with a more structured long term goal… And about 40% more money that I am earning now!

So all in all, life is great. Not drinking is great. My HSM is only one third complete, but looking back, I am very happy with the way it is going and the changes I am seeing in myself. It has been more than just abstaining from alcohol, but it has been a catalyst in all other areas of my life. This was the turning point and I am excited to see where it leads me next.

Have you ever been in a room full of people, but felt completely alone? Or felt like everyone is looking at you, talking about you? That is what it can feel like to be out without drinking, knowing that no matter how much you might want a drink, you cant. As everyone else loosens up and starts to get that ‘Dutch courage’ and come out of their shells with the help of booze, you are you. You have no reason to feel any different than how you did when you arrived. There is no alcohol-induced confidence taking hold.

Read the rest of this entry →

Of my HSM ‘yesses’, the one I have been focussed on so far is to read more and to learn more about myself.

‘Learn more about myself’

Interesting concept… How do I learn more about myself? Look to my past? I first thought that I have been doing too much of that lately, but I stumbled on this passage about happiness, written by Henrik Edburg.

‘Tomorrow isn’t here yet. Yesterday has passed. Now is the present moment. And all three of them are always the present moment when we are living in them.
So there is no real space where you and I can change or live in except the one you and me are in right now; And now; And now.
But still we insist on spending much time regretting yesterday, or fearing tomorrow. That’s normal. But it isn’t so useful.’

I realized that I haven’t been looking to the past, but dwelling on it. There is a big difference. I have been dwelling on the things that have gone wrong, the mistakes I have made and the turmoil that has ensued, and I have been getting caught up in that very turmoil, reliving the events over and over. What I should have been doing is assessing the situation from a different perspective and then learning from it. If there is something for me to take from it, take that and leave the rest behind; if there is no lesson I can learn from, leave the experience in the past, where it belongs.

Read the rest of this entry →

I mentioned in my last blog that I have had many reason to drink in the last few years, and I was recently prompted to elaborate by a close friend, asking if I was going to expand on this in my blog. So, I am… briefly:

In the last five years, I have had 4 major events in my life, after which, I have hit the pub for a (dozen or so) beer(s).

• My parents divorced

• I was told by my ‘dad’ that I am the biggest mistake of his life (twice)

• My ‘dad’ attempted suicide (I’ve lost count of how many times now)

• I was engaged. We broke up, then got back together, then broke up again

Like I said, after all of these events, I chose getting pissed and escaping the reality of the situation rather than dealing with it head on. What was the result? I currently have no drivers licence after losing it for drunk driving. I have no fiancé or wife. I still don’t have a relationship with my father; I don’t think he even knows who I am anymore. I have virtually no savings. What’s my point? Nothing good has come from drinking.

This is the line in the sand.

I have decided to do HSM as a way of starting a new life, taking a step back and re-booting my system, dealing with the situations as they need to be dealt with, in an adult manner. On February 18, 2011 I will be finished this experience and hope that I will be able to say “I learnt something”, “I have grown from this” and “I am happy with who I am”.

I am not dwelling on the things that have happened anymore; they are done, I can’t change them. I did not write this for sympathy, instead to get it off my chest, so that I don’t have to explain it 50 times individually.

…………

SO, one week down, how is it going? I started on a Thursday, thinking I would have a few quiet drinks on Wednesday night rather than having a huge night on the weekend. Murphy’s Law kicked in right away. Last Thursday I had more invites to go out on the piss on a week night that I have had in the past 3 months. I had also committed to doing the 40 hour famine that weekend. I think I might need to work on my planning a bit better, as I also had a friend’s birthday drinks at Irish Race Day on Saturday…

So there I was for 5 hours of afternoon drinks and horse racing and I couldn’t eat or drink. I couldn’t even have a smoke as I had quit 2 weeks earlier. That morning, I couldn’t stop asking myself why I had gotten into this; How am I going to spend the day with smokers, while they drink and eat hot chips etc.? I was almost ready to say ‘fuck it, I will start next weekend and the 40 hour famine is for kids anyway’. I am glad I didn’t. It was a very real sense of pride walking home from the pub that night, completely sober and with my stomach growling so loudly, people were staring at me from across the road. I did it, my first big event with no smokes and no booze. And to top it off, I earned some money for World Vision at the same time.

This is going to be just fine.

As I have led up to beginning this experience, I have been trying to prepare myself with answers to questions and comments from other people who don’t understand what I am doing or why. The biggest question I have come up with is ‘why the hell would you want to do that?’ So I thought I would answer that straight off the bat, in this first blog.

The best way I can answer that is to ask the question; why do we drink? For me, at first it was to fit in with the cool kids, but more recently it has been to escape something in my reality. In recent years, there have been many things that I have wanted to escape. Lately though, I am starting to see that it is better to face them head on, without any fogginess from the booze. We all know that getting drunk doesn’t fix the problem; in fact I am starting to realize that it just adds another two: a hangover and a hole in your wallet. Read the rest of this entry →