I had been going along swimmingly, actually not even missing drinking and then an interesting situation came along.

I was in Sydney doing a personal development workshop that challenged me – in a good way (well a week on I can now see that it was in a good way) and had the thoughts of “oh my god I can’t do this”. But of course I knew I could, I was just crapping myself in that particular moment. Therefore, the dare.

And yes, of course I did do it, sucessfully, or to the best of my ability anyway. Dare accomplished!

And then – as a group we all celebrated our accomplishment with champagne. Just a glass I thought, it’s part of the “experience”.

And you know, I would have been okay with that one glass. I really would have. Now for the truth…

But then, later that night when we sat around having dinner and reflecting on the enormity of the day, wine was ordered and I told myself that “I deserve this”, “I’ve broken through some major challenges today”.

Well, yes I had. But did I really need wine to confirm that fact? The real truth…..

Needless to say Monday morning I awoke feeling like absolute crap. I was so pissed off at myself that any celebration of what I had achived felt very hollow in the cold light of day with a sore head.

But my learning – celebration and acheivment is always felt from within. It’s the acknowledgment I allow myself to receive.
It’s never, ever at the bottom of a wine glass.

A week on I have forgiven myself – was this the learning I was meant to receive?

What have I learnt to date? That drinking for me is a habit. And not a great one either. One glass, two glasses, hey lets make it another one. A big bad habit. I’m relieved to actually find that out because now I am aware of this I can make a choice that isn’t based on habits or conditioning in 3 months time.

I really believe that this is a great journey – I read the blogs of younger people and relate with everything they say. That was my life when I was that age too. I think there is the possibility that if your lifestyle permits, a little of that way of life will continue to hang around for a long, long, time.  In a nutshell, binge drinking is not just for the Gen Y.  It’s for anyone who doesn’t (myself included) set a boundary with what is responsible use of alcohol for themself. It’s not about anyone else, yes society will always have pressures, but at the end of the day it’s about ME.

I have known Chris Raine for a couple of years now and he from the first day I met him, he inspired me.  Then I met the rest of his family, ditto, they all inspire me.  And I knew that one day, he would have a message for me.  I just had to work out what it was.

So, here I am.  The day after my 38th birthday and I’m starting a 3 month HSM challenge.  I say challenge, because I know it will be.  However, it’s a challenge that I need to do and choose to do. I keep telling myself it’s only 3 months, how hard can it be?

I have to be honest and say I love to drink.  Really love it – it’s a celebration to me – food, wine, friends.  It is part of my life and has been for a long time now.  Finishing the day and coming home to a drink with my husband and catching up on our day has always been “what we do”, part of my life.  But sometimes, one drink turns in to another, and another and… you get the idea.  This has been the last 20 odd years of my life.  I know that this has costs to me, and not just financial.  How many Sunday’s (not to mention the rest of the week) have I written off so far in my life? How many regrets do I have?  Too many.

So for me, this 3 months is about finding out why I look for ”another” when I know that most people don’t.  And choosing something else as my “another”.  It would be really easy to say that I come from a family where this was the norm, totally acceptable and then as I grew up I found friends that also fitted this category.  I’m not looking for excuses, because that would be true to say, but easy to excuse.  It would also be easy to say I work really hard having my own business and that is full-on and stressful, and having a drink at the end of the day helps me relax and unwind.  But so does walking the dog.

So, here we go.  On the first day of a year of new beginnings.  Finding out a little more of what makes me tick.  Any age is a good age to do that.

Maybe I should choose to make it a journey…. not a challenge.  Will keep you posted.