What I have learned so far is that I am a little self obcessed.   I read other blogs on this site and have to stop myself from making “me too”,  ”I did this, I did that ” or “my problem was..” types of comments. Too many I’s in the picture, Your blogs are about you and your journey, not me chipping in with my story in your space. I can do that on my own blog,  So I will try to be conscious of this throughout my 12 weeks here and give supportive replies when I can without invading everyone’s space.

Having had a long enough period of time without the booze to be able to compare it against my usual way of life (drinking just enough most evenings to make sure I feel fuzzy and inefficient the next day and sometimes getting carried away with internet shopping in the process) – the boozy way of life has got nothing on the clean and sober version. I much prefer the clear headedness, the more measured emotional responses to problems and the way I feel after exercise – who knew cardio could make you feel good and not just totally unfit?!

The HSM community were so kind the last time I blogged about falling off the wagon that I ran away and hid for shame of not going the full distance. But I’m back again, on the same profile, for 3 months this time. It took me a few goes to quit smoking and I guess this is a similar beast. Get back booze! Be gone!

ooooeee! A long time has passed since I have hopped on to HSM. I am 5 months in and I guess it’s a good sign that I’ve stopped counting & had to stop and work that out. I am really impressed how many new HSMers there are (NYE is always a great time for reflecting on positive change).How cool is the simple concept of HSM!!?  I hope you are all enjoying it one way or another!

I have become pretty comfortable with not drinking. The odd thought of a drink pops up occasionally (like prior to Roger Waters ‘The Wall’ concert the other night) but this is more by old habit than really wanting to drink. I soon feel more grateful than anything and amusingly relect on the others juggling their 4 drinks in each for the concert (oh that would\’ve been me!!!) Hehe… I enjoyed watching and actually taking in (there was alot to take in!!) the whole show and actually remembering it clearly the next day was a real bonus! (oh & not needing to annoy crap out of my row by having to get up and go to the loo every half hour and then get lost on way back to my seat. )

Some time ago, a customer at work, on hearing about my HSM attempt, asked me if I was giving up life and I replied no I’m taking it up (i’m not sure if i stole that or not?) but I felt like a slimmer version of my profile picture. Point is I really believe that. And slap me down cos cos i’m starting to feel like a reformed smoker/ drinker but I feel like spreading the word.

I start thinking it is with years of practice we start believing that alcohol is required in order to have fun or chill out or grieve or celebrate or cope with stress or whatever. Dont get me wrong, you can but to think it is required/compulsory to drink is simply not true, and it sounds so obvious but it seems thats how it crawls into your life and before you know it you are someone that says oh are you giving up living? (i prob would of said the same pre HSM by the way). Kids dont need to drink to deal with the ups and downs of day to day life. They don\’t even need to hold a substitute non-alcoholic drink in their hand to feel socially accepted. Hehe this reminds me of hangover part 2 where the main characters were tripping and they were portrayed by child versions of themselves with the film speed sped up… it was very effective and funny.

Anyhoo sorry if i’m rambling, hopefully makes a little sense?…. hope you enjoy your sunday and happy HSMing everyone.

I caught up w numerous people during the week, and drank soda water. I slept really well, and was really fresh for a busy week at work. Heaps of media calls, a new staff member, and lots of projects starting. I was pretty happy having a clear head for all of that.

Friday night I got home to discover some loser had broken in to my house and stole all our computers tv, and electronics, as well as ransacked our bedrooms. I was pretty upset, but delighted to discover no desire to have a drink afterwards. Once I felt okay about leaving the house I went out with my lovely boyfriend to a friend’s birthday drinks at the pub and then on to a party in west Brunswick. I gallantly offered to be sober driver – a first for me. Had a great time at both and some great conversations. I was pleasantly surprised I could go, and not want a drink. On Saturday my mate had his fiftieth, a party I’d been looking forward to for some time. While I yearned to toast his good health w champagne I still had a lovely time, drinking soda water all evening nattering away to everyone.

I have been thinking today about how drinking has become so increasingly for me a habit rather than a pleasure. I want to drink again, and I’d like my drinking to be about taste, pleasure and understanding and appreciating the craft that goes into good wine and beer..

All in all, I’m loving HSM. Not drinking is making my life easier, and I feel happier, calmer and healthier. I’m pretty happy with that.

That’s about all I can post. I’m typing this on my iPhone, so I reckon this is a pretty good effort!
That’s all. x

Interestingly, the feeling of disappointment and disadvantage was quite noticable going to the Course as a non-drinker. I really felt like having a few. When I settled in after the introductions however, a couple of lemon squashes were more that satisfactory to get me through the day. At no time after arriving did I miss alcohol and I had a great day as my nornal outgoing self. Perhaps the only difference is, I didn’t stant gettting too loud by the end of the day

I again was the designated driver for others and now feel great having not drunk. In the last two weeks, I’ve been interstate twice, visited the Australian Open, attended the Australia Day Honours Ceremony in Canberra, attended a music concert, had a day at the races, had an overwhelmingly busy work schudule and numberous social dinners and corporate lunches, and been more than happy to be sober.

Not worrying about driving is great, my willpower to complete a full week’s vegan detox last week is great, losing 5kg (now 91.5) is great, currently not being dependant on any medication is great. Congratulations to all the creative and driven people behind HSM. I wouldn’t be doing this sobriety challenge if it wasn’t for them.

Peace.

I will be blogging from now on at http://easeuponthedrink.tumblr.com because the interface it’s just easier for me.

Cheers

In the last week, I have gone from having 3 really good male friends, to none. All 3 of them have indicated their interest in being something other than friends. Now I know this sounds like the most self-indulgent thing in the world, but it’s really shit. I just want my friends back, with no agendas, no mixed feelings. Just friends. Is it a symptom of being in my early 20s? Is it that I’m too friendly? Or is it just bad fucking luck?

Without giving away too many details, I would like to ask if anyone has any advice?

The weather here in Melbourne is definitely reflecting my mood; it’s tempestuous. I’m cross at all of them, and at me. It’s taken 3 months of bloody hard work to get myself happy again, partly with their help. And now it seems I’m making them all unhappy. That’s what’s bothering me the most, these people all mean so very much to me that it just sucks that I can’t do anything to help them feel better. 

Last week I was thinking of getting back in touch with the ex, but I can’t seem to do that either. I’m feeling the need to get away from it all. Luckily though my driving is coming on leaps and bounds, according to my instructor. Golden Plains is in just under 6 weeks and I’m hoping to have my license by then and be able to drive down. 

Right now the solution I have opted for is making a massive lemon cake and retreating to my room with a cuppa to read. 

My apologies once again, and thanks for reading if you got this far. 

I have mentioned in the past about my hobby, photography.

Figures I should share a shot here at some stage:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/slin74/6627631345/in/photostream

This was shot from Brisbane’s Mt Cootha lookout. Of all days, it was Boxing Day!

Have a great weekend folks.

Best wishes,Steve

I’m worried I will find it harder to say no at my friends B’day party on Sat 25th Feb. I will have one of my beasties there who does not drink at all and I’m sure her just being there will help me feel as though I’m not missing out on anyhting.

I also want to shout out a big “good on you” to my mum for 2 alcohol free nights now. Way to g, love you heaps xxoo 

Looking for a sign of life

Looking for something to help me burn out bright

I’m looking for a complication

Looking cause I’m tired of trying

Make my way back home when I learn to fly…

-          Foo Fighters

Dear alcohol,

When I was 16 I learned to fly.  My teacher flew Kittyhawk fighters over Italy in World War 2.  He knew his stuff.

The first lessons involved “touch-and-go’s” – taking off, flying in a circle, landing and then taking off again.  For a bit of variety Rex would throw in some acrobatics and pretend to machine gun cloud formations.  That gets the heart rate up I can tell you. 

After about 20 hours of lessons, and a reasonably smooth landing on a windless, sunny morning, Rex told me I was ready.  While we idled beside the runway he jumped out, gave me a sunny thumbs up and walked away.  Before I knew it I was at 10,000 feet by myself.  I was whooping and hollering like, well, like a 16 year old flying a plane by himself.  The landing was slightly bumpy but I stuck it.  When I was finished I rode my bike to school, because I didn’t have a drivers licence yet.

I never kicked on with flying.  And years later I’ve thought about that morning and in particular how goddamned fearless I was (and possibly Rex as well, although he’d had practice).  I often wonder if I could do that again.  I’m not really sure I could.

I pride myself on being fearless to some extent.  I’ll jump out of or off of anything.  I’ll take on crazy adventures that take me out of my comfort zone.  I’ll tuck the ball under my arm and run as hard as I can at bigger blokes.  I’ve stood up for myself when I’ve had to.

So why did I find it so hard to make the decision not to be with you?

In the past 10 weeks I’ve spoken to a lot of people who have said that wouldn’t be able to commit to a week off the booze, let alone a year.  And honestly, I think for some of them at least, it’s because they’re scared.

Scared that they won’t be able to relax.  Or socialise.  Or be a part of the crowd.

Or scared to find out how important you really are in their lives.

I spent a few hours watching the behaviour of a dozen or so blokes at dinner last week.  One guy, usually a bit socially awkward, became the life of the party (“so I said to the pamphlet bloke, you don’t tell my wife how to vote, I do…”).  Another, a really nice, quiet, intelligent bloke that I have a lot of time for, gradually became unintelligible. 

And to my great surprise a number of blokes hardly drank at all.  They’re the ones that aren’t scared, and know how to control you.  We had a good chat, a beautiful dinner and finished up by 12.  And I found I didn’t need you to relax and to have a good time.

At the airport the next morning it was easy to see who had kicked on and who hadn’t.  “I hope it’s a smooth flight” someone said.  

“Bullshit…I hope we machine gun some clouds” I thought.

Learning to fly is the same as learning to live.  I’m not scared of you not being a part of that.  I made a fearless decision, and this week it has really sunk in as being the best thing I’ve ever done.

Cheers,

Brent

P.S.  Shout-out to Tammo – welcome aboard Cuz!

I was so glad that I did not give into temptation yesterday.   I could have killed for a wine.  Second best thing I had not too junk food (fish and potatoe scallops) and an extra helping of my low cal fruit cake.   I would have loved to drown it with custard but I did not have any so I made a sauce with milk thickened with cornflower and sweetened with pure maple syrup.  It was very nice and settled all the worms down.

This morning I have had a sleep in so now I have to get off my butt and get moving.  Have a great day all. xx

So Day 4 of FebFast was a breeze and looking forward to waking up tomorrow and saying HELLO SUNDAY MORNING for my first HSM.  One month off the booze I know I can do being my 3rd FebFast year but 3 months…. well time will tell but I\\\’m quietly confident.

Signed Calice

I feel a bit poetic lately, forgive me. I watched Bright Star, a brilliant movie about John Keats. It was stunningly shot and amazingly well acted. After I finished crying my eyes out I very nearly packed my bags to move back to England. I have loved his poetry since I studied it in school. Going to Keats house in Hampstead was on my list of things to do in my last week in London but I ran out of time.

The love story of John Keats and Fanny Brawn and the tragedy of Keats’ death created one of the greatest and purest love stories of all time. Interestingly I watched an interview with Abbie Cornish and she said that she hoped people walked away from the film feeling like that had been struck in the soul rather than in the mind. I know that I was.  The movie and the poetry have stuck with me over the last week or so. She also said it was an eternal story and it is, but I’m not sure it is a love story that could happen today. The times allowed for people to get to know each other well and appreciate each other as people. Instead we meet in a club, get wasted, go home and spend the night together and chew an arm off trying to escape the next morning or we agree to do it all again sometime and this somehow turns into a relationship.

But I digress, what has this to do with my HSM?  

I guess it’s a gradual shift that comes over time. When you stop drinking you open your eyes to appreciating the beauty of the world and to experiencing it with all senses.  You are more willing to give your time to others; you are a generally happier person, a positive and enthusiastic person. In a way you get your soul back, the essence of yourself, you feel more deeply. But it is not easy, it is always a struggle.  No matter how good you feel the lure of the siren’s song can be heard and you have to fight to resist it.  

And so here is some of the beauty I have been seeing lately……

I am trying to be more in the monent, just taking the next 5 minutes on. Did ok until Friday when I was a bit tired and grumpy.

Interestingly having a drink after did not occur, instead it was a treat of take out noodles   and this morning exercise helped get that out of the way. Just been to Lantern Festival. heaps of people, lovely night, magical lanterns in the park- helping remind me to look for beauty and be grateful

Well its been two weeks since I had my last drink,  I haven’t missed it at all. except for this evening I was very close to having a beer.  However I made myself stop as I knew I would be very cross with mysef if I did. 2 weeks down 10 to go.  I on also on a health kick, exercising and eating right, and have lost 2.6 Kg. Hope you all are hanging in there.

I was so hungry and so really hanging out for a wine, white or red any one would have done.   I could taste and feel the first fuzzy feeling it would give me.  I had to make a serious decision then and there.  So I decided I would break my low cal diet and get some fish and potatoe scallops on the way home.   I could taste them too and I could imagine how previously I used to always have fish and chips with sav blanc. 

Thanks to this site and all the blogs I have read I decided to just get the fish and chips.   They were the best fish and potatoe scallops I have ever tasted.   I have been eating my dinner while on the site and while typing this blog and trying to make my dinner last a bit longer.  I am down to the last 2 mouthfulls and I could easily go another serving.  I won’t though because I know if I went down to the fish shop I would probably go to the bottle shop as well.  Just to get 1 bottle mind you.  However, I am only 1 drink away from a drunk,  so tomorrow or the day after I would be back on the merry go round checking out specials and buying wine by the caron.

The diet can have a break today but not my sobriety.  Trouble is I don’t have any food that is yummy and full of calories in the house.  I will settle for a piece of my fruit cake (made with only fruit, orange juice and spelt flour).  If only I had some full cream custard to top it off.   Oh well.  Thankfully tomorrow I will awake hangover free for another day.

Thanks everyone, and I hope you all have a great weekend. xx

After I handed it in, I’ve been able to relax all afternoon, went to the gym, reading a great book and planning to have a quiet one tonight as well. Sunday is going to be lovely and cruisy too, planning to sleep in, go to the gym and spend some time with family in the afternoon and evening.

The weather is tops and I’m loving life right now, not having study guilt hanging over my head for a month or two! I think HSM has helped a lot in giving me enough time to get the paper done and attend all non-negotiable social engagements (and even head out of town for a few days) – I was able to do lots of work on it over the Christmas break and weekends without any time lost due to hangovers.

I am also very pleased because this is the longest paper I’ve ever written, and I’ve been able to prove to myself that I can do it. I was also a bit nervous about whether I would be able to find a topic I would be comfortable with for the subject, especially one that I could write 10,000 words on. I’ve learned a lot from researching and writing the paper and it’s turned out to be very relevant to my area of work, so that is awesome too.

Have been thinking more about what will happen at the end of this HSM – I am starting to get worried that drinking again (even just a little bit) could muck up all the work I’ve been doing in the gym… I also think that I have too much of a compulsive personality…While I got to a point last year prior to HSM where I could pretty much not drink at all during the week, I would then undo that good work by drinking socially on Friday and Sat nights, and it seemed to stuff everything up. Anyway, still plenty more time to ponder.

I always get asked “what is Hello Sunday Morning?”. Well, practically it is a 3, 6 or 12-month break from alcohol where people are challenged to experience life without alcohol and share the highs, lows, successes and failures online with the world. But emotionally, psychologicall what is HSM? 

I’ve been asking myself, what exactly is this experience we call a Hello Sunday Morning. It is no doubt, a movement. A way of thinking. Finally a REASON to say no to alcohol and commit to being the person you want to be. To me it is a time to actually take control of your life and not waste days hungover or letting alcohol get in the way of what you want to do. It is a time to think clearly and for me I have been losing track of days. Waiting for the weekend to come and go party is no longer top of mind, the days blur into each other and each one is bringing something exciting. 

I guess what I’m asking is what is Hello Sunday Morning to you? Is it plain and simply a break from alcohol, or is it something more? Is it a time to focus on yourself? A time to focus on your job? A time to focus on your health, your relationships, your finances?? 

The diversity of people completing a HSM, from different countries, states, backgrounds must mean that for everyone the experience is unique. 

I also find myself thinking, what could the experience be? What could the HSM team turn this movement into. But that’s a post for another green tea and another day.

Have a good Sunday tomorrow everyone. 

I dont have a ‘drinking problem’, as in its no problem to drink on the weekends. I have a ‘not drinking problem’ as the habit is there. I need to change the habit and develop new habits. Do something different in the later afternoon and evening when I would usually be sitting with a glass of wine, then another and another,.

I also need to manage my money better as the budget is extremely tight. Have I ever purchased a bottle of wine when I knew the money was to pay a bill? Yep – I have. Im not anti alcohol and I want to be able to have a glass of wine on someones birthday or other family celebration. But i can see how easy it would be for my current habits to worsen and lead to having a few drinks every night. Probably whats stopped me to date is not having the ready cash. So its time to change but habits are hard to break. Wish me luck.

I have had no problems, apart from lots of extra time,memory is getting better,no headaches,more energy,enthusiastic,more money every week to buy things for my family and save for my new motorcycle.Good problems.I intend to stay alcohol free foreveer now as my health is paramount and I have even started losing weight and eating better.I am having a go at the reboost juice  program,even though I am overweight by only about 12 kilo\’s.

I will keep you guys posted,

Cheers,

Ebbww 

On the plus side, I love not having a hangover. I’m much more focused at work, and don’t feel tired in the afternoons like I used to. I’ve lost a couple of pounds. In a lot of situations it’s really easy not to drink, like at the concert, meetings in the pub,  and eating out, and I realise that it’s often just habit that makes me have a drink.

So here’s to carrying on. Hubby has invited friends round to watch the rugby tomorrow, so that will be another test. No doubt beer will be flowing. Ah well, keep the faith! And the commitment.

When exams are over there’s refreshers when everyone parties for a week straight. It’s going to be difficult to resist a drink then but I think i can keep going without and should be a new experiance going out sober.

Only five weeks till my half marathon. Trainings going great but need to pick up the pace abit if i want a good time. 

Next post should be more interesting when I’ve had a couple of nights out sober to report on. Until then just got to finish exams. 

Forwards forever backwards never.

Eadan Xx

Normally I love writing, but this week I haven’t wanted to. Mostly because by the time I get  half way through writing a blog my mood has changed. I can be ON TOP OF THE WORLD- as my facebook status this morning reflected “I am happy, health and feeling well” and I can feel the complete opposite mere hours later. 

A major influencing factor on my mood is whether I am busy or not. If I’m busy and have things to look forward to, then I generally feel great. However; if I’m confronted with the idea of having nothing to do, or a weekend at home, I become sad and disinterested in life. And I genuinely mean sad… down… disengaged… moody. I have plans for this weekend but…

Another factor has left me feeling gutted today and that is one of my friends is moving in with my ex boyfriend. An ex-boyfriend who has a terrible (to put it lightly) history. She is putting herself and her kids at risk by going through with this decision and I am worried about her wellbeing. I’m also sad because it means I have to cut contact with her. 

So what’s good in my life?

1) Well, yesterday morning I ran 6kms. I ran the whole way around the lake and I didn’t die. I felt proud and had imagined myself, while running, crossing the finishing line of my 10kms, 5kgs lighter, 12 weeks sober and after graduating the day before. 

2) Mark… Mark is good. No complaints. He’s so non-confrontational, when I argue he doesn’t even reply most of the time. I kind of like that. He is good to me and I love his company… *smiley face*

3) On Sunday I can say I have been sober for 5 weeks. 

Woo farking hoo… I need a drink!

People my age don’t have proper coping mechanisms:

We get drunk, high, pick up, have sex, binge on anything and everything… dance, fight, smoke, sweat… anything to prevent actually having to feel.

And typical of my generation, tonight I’d like to get drunk. In fact, I’d like to get spastic… snort speed off the kitchen bench, get blind, get blotto. I’d like to dance my ass off… kiss boys I don’t know, skull jagerbombs, smoke a whole packet of cigarettes, flash my boobs at a taxi driver, have inappropriate coversations over chips, chese and gravy, get propositioned in the taxi queue, talk shit to the driver all the way home, jump into bed and drunk dial my ex (the good one). 

But I’m sober… what a boring word.

And Mark is working at 6 in the morning, so we’ll both be up at 520. I’ve asked Alicja to run the lake with me at 6. Running at the crack of dawn on a Saturday will be a new experience for me, I’m used to getting home about that time.

And maybe tomorrow morning I’ll be glad I didn’t drink and I’ll think “why did I even want to”… but right now I feel sad and I miss my friend and more than anything I feel betrayed. It’s funny, because just as I started to think about it, something clicked in my brain and this thought went through my head “who fu*king cares!! Get drunk and forget about it”. And part of me agrees with that little thought…

How’s that for Y-Gen coping mechanisms. 

I am craving a Jim Beam… god they taste good. 

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything- all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure- these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important”

-Steve Jobs

*Even Steve wants me to drink… if I was going to die tomorrow I would drink. 

So largely I have pretended my way through the HSM thus far.  I haven’t proclaimed ‘I am not drinking!’ with gusto, at parties.  I have simply taken my fake beer and fake wine and socially consumed my sans-alcoholic beverages with the drinking masses.

I am feeling pretty in control about the whole thing.  I am feeling much better on Sunday mornings, though my bladder is getting a work out, ‘keeping up with the drinkers’.  Oh the irony! When not at social gatherings the need to consume the fake stuff has largely disappeared.  And I am getting a better grip on my wind-down and de-stress needs, good things, good things…

How are the rest of the 1 January HSM’s trucking?

I am really beginning to feel quite feminine again.   I have had acrylic fingernails put on and yesterday I had to have them filled.   So that is a nice treat sitting there while some lovely Asian girl pampers my hands.  Those girls can’t speak a word or English but they smile and point nicely.   They can say wash you hands and tell you how much to pay. 

It is amazing how stinking thinking can get to my brain in a split second.  I was thinking I would get my daughter and we could give each other pedicures and paint out toe nails.  Then I was picturing the bottle of bubbly that goes with the ritual.  Pulled myself up quick and then decided we could indulge in licquorice legs tea instead.   I don’t want to give up the nice things so I just have to make adjustments. 

Well now I am off for a walk.  Have a great day all.  xx