The witching hour
15/02/12 • 2 Comments

This time of day is the witching hour for me, I Would so love a glass, but no. I have logged on instead and read your posts. I walked past a bottle shop today and wasnt even tempted to go in….huge step taken! yay!

I am not scared anymore, but..
14/02/12 • 4 Comments

Last week I was scared. I was scared of starting something that I had failed miserably at before. I was scared of facing the nightly demons that occur when I am home alone and bored. I literally had an image in my head, that I would become so agigtated that I would explode, aka Linda Blair. How can I cope with coming home from work and not drinking? What on earth would I do?  Not having to hide the 2 cask bladders in the bottom of the fridge? Curly Lettuce was my favourite foil, assisting me with my deception.  What would I do not having ‘the twins’ on high rotation, so that no one would really know how much I was consuming.  What would I do now not having to plan how I would duck home to an empty house and arrange them in the fridge, so they replaced the [...]

I am scared…..
09/02/12 • 8 Comments

I am scared…… I have been wanting to cut back I have been wanting to abstain I have been wishing that I would not take that detour to the bottle shop at the end of the day. I have been wishing that I had the strength to get through the day without thinking about the moment when I get home and can have a relaxing drink. ‘Something has to change’, I say this like a mantra every morning when I wake up, with a foggy mind.   I berate myself. I hate myself. My dopey mind races to try and recall the previous nights experiences.  What did I say? What did I do? To whom? But my mind is too foggy  -   I record this anxiety in my thoughts, demanding myself to remember how crap I feel in the morning, as a reminder not to go down the same [...]