hanging on.
10/11/11 • 9 Comments

 i feel i cant just keep hanging on

STARTING AGAIN
10/11/11 • 3 Comments

i made some comments in a previous post that were absurd and graphically outrageous, i have since edited it out after further contemplation, i let the monster in me take over. i’m not a violent person but i do have a side to me that can be hideous and there was no need to carry on the way i did, i fell off the wagon in spectacular fashion. so, i start the healing process all over again. and to really make things difficult for myself i resigned from my job this morning. i face the world broken with no job, no wife, no house, just a few close friends and family and the shirt on my back. i had made it so far now i’m right back where i started with even less this time. i guess on the upside i know things really cant get any worse.   please [...]

IT STARTS NOW
07/11/11 • 8 Comments

boy do i have a hangover. cant say i miss it either. i’m sitting here on the balcony looking out over my world, the sun shining, the water fall on the pool trickling, the birds singing. it’s so calm. not like me last night. i was drunk. like wild turkey straight from the bottle drunk. no bones broken but still i got plastered. i woke up this morning not knowing where i was, and it’s been 3 months since that happened, the night i put my fist through walls and doors and scared my wife half to death. the night i thought i ruined my marriage. turns out i didnt. she was cheating on me. all this time i thought i was the cunt, that i ruined everything. her words are as follows- “i’m probably the last person u want to hear from now, but i didnt plan for any [...]

HOMICIDE IS AN OPTION
07/11/11 • 8 Comments

this post contains some very strong language. i’m in a very dark place right now, so dont read on if you’re easily offended.   those of you following me will know that when i started i was in a mess, i was on the verge of suicide and was a train wreck of emotions. 3 months of sobriety put my head in the right place and i’m now coping with situations a lot better that would normally be resolved with heavy drinking. i’m now on the edge of all that coming to a spectacular end. i just found out my ex-wife is pregnant. seven weeks in to be exact. which means she has been fucking somebody else for at least the past seven weeks. this also says to me that the distance i felt growing between us before we had dramas that lead to eventual breakup were the product of [...]

IT’S ALL GOOD
05/11/11 • 2 Comments

well life has been peachy since finishing HSM over a week ago. melbourne cup was a cracker, i lost track of how many venues i visited and people i cought up with over the course of the day, a vast difference to cups of yore. i broke even on the betting stakes, but as i say, a break-even day on the punt is a good day. i’ve still been very careful with my alcohol intake, moreso because i dont want the repercussions  of excess consumption than because i’m owrried i’ll slip back into old habbits. in fact i stopped at my brothers yesterday afternoon for a fast one and that was me content, i then popped over to a friends place late last night and had one then plowed thru a couple of ginger ales at about 11.30 last night, i really couldnt handle anymore to drink. tonight i’m going [...]