Hello Sunday Morning | catherine

21 Weeks today – but suddenly felt the ugly grip and desire again yetserday
14/01/12 • 4 Comments

At 21 weeks its all got pretty easy. Sure, I feel like a drink when I first go to parties etc, but once I warm up, the desire fades. Yesterday however was different. We had a BBQ at my house, for my girlfriend’s birthday. We started out by running late in having everything ready, and I was stressed. I wanted that drink – but wasn’t afraid of the feeling anymore as I know the desire passes these days. But it didn’t pass. As the afternoon and evening wore on, even when it was just good friends left who I feel really comfortable with, I was longing for that drink. I felt like an alcoholic. When I was in the kitchen opening a cider for a friend, all I could think about was hungriy drinking from the bottle before I handed it to her .. and doing so in secret. [...]

2011 was terrible. I lost my father to cancer (he was 66 and fit as a fiddle). My daughter\’s father decided at the same time (he met a new woman) that he wanted nothing to do wiht her and walked out of her life, leaving her broken at age 8, and my girlfriend and I broke up (it was an unhappy relationship anyway). Oh, and in the middle of it all, my career began to slide rapidly downhill and my drinking went up. But, somewhere in the middle of it all I made the decision to stop drinking. I had met a beautiful woman, and realised if I did nto take control I would lose everything all over again. So here I am, in 2012, 19 weeks down the track of not drinking for 6 months, and still with that beautiful wonderful woman, whom my daughter loves so much [...]

15 weeks today, I didn’t know it was possible
03/12/11 • 3 Comments

15 weeks today, and I am actually beginning to like myself. I am a better mother, better employee, and a better girlfriend. I am still funny, I stil get invited to parties, and I take real pleasure in being the “driver” for the people I care about so much who are trahsed at those parties. I am still not finding it easy – but am finding it easier. I wonder if I will ever be able to drink again. I hope so, I really do, as I am looking forward to a lovely glass of wine one day – but I am still afraid that if one passes my lips then another will, and then another, and then another. I guess that’s the next bit of my journey – figuring that out. x

Wow, week 12. My initial 3 months finishes next weekend, but as many of you know, I have extended to six months. That feels a bit hard right now. Just came back from a friend’s house, right on the beach. ”Come on” she said “you HAVE to be able to drink with us in the sun over the summer … just drink on the weekends, that will be fine”. Oh I am so tempted. BUT, this is the exact reason I have extended my HSM, I start drinking next week – I will be binging right away …. its PARTY time. So yes, even though it has become easier, this non drinking thing, in some ways my choice to extend, well, that’s made it feel harder again. Part of me wants to cave, to say “come on girl, you’ve done 3 months, you’ve proved your point.” But, its not [...]

Week 10. Wow. The last couple of weeks have actually been really hard, but I haven’t caved. I started going to a mediation course last week, and I think that is going to be all part of the puzzle. But, the thing is, I realised that I am still getting to bed too late, surfing the net, looking at FB etc – and I need that to stop. I need early restful nights, wiht time in the morning to meditate. In turn, this increased anxiety may begin to subside. All part of the journey. So, November, no TV (not a biggy for me really) and no internet surfing. I will not be coming home and playing on the net. Have decided to log in here once a week though, just for updates I am really interested to see if this will add value to my life. See you all next [...]