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I signed up yesterday after a week of not drinking, then I thought damn I should of had a bottle or two of wine before I signed up! Like a have not had thousands of bottles before. I started drinking when I was fourteen now I'm thirty seven, drinking has defined my life, it's always been there. Sad hey? Oh and smoking, o and I only really smoke when I drink, but then I drink a lot so smoke alot, I am a real binge drinker, actually a lot of the time I was either drunk of hungover. I actually drank for a job as a hostess in a club on japan in my twenties, I thought it was the like landing the dream job, the more we drank they more we got paid, it was capped at twenty per note and I was determined to meet my target, then I used to tell the bar staff make mine strong as I found the japs so tedious. Anyway I'm glad I found this place, it's high time I gave up I don't want to say forever as that's too daunting but I would absolutely love to enjoy two glasses of cold sav bland and leave it there. But tis never like that. So on being sober a week, yes it has it's benefits, I reward myself with shopping, coffee and cake, but every time I see alcohol, which is a lot as Cuba street has Of heaps of bars al Fresno, it's like a magnet to me and I'm sure I stare indecently. What really got me going was that I read a book by Daniella Westbrook, the other side of nowhere made quite an impression on me, and I've read a lot of books on the subject. I definitely have an addictive personality and I'm genetically inclined being Irish, I live in NZ now married a maori, ten years, I always said gosh I wish the delicious sav Blanca came out of a tap here! Thanks for reading x

Starting again
16/11/11 • 2 Comments

So I’m starting again it was a horrible hangover, it’s taking longer and longer to recover physically and mentally, no energy short tempered. I have deleted years of my life that are now ,just, a blackout. I truly believe alco is a genetic diseAse, but it’s rarely addressed as such. In fact none of the negatives are ever talked about, just glorified. I would love to be able to say I’m not drinking, and I wouldn’t care if thee was a neg response like soo many get, like the inane ,why, you’d think it be obvious. I’m afraid to say I’m not drinking cos then if I do drink , cave in etc it’ll make me look real stupid or I’m afraid people will stop filling up my glass. I did pour that half bottle of wine away, like so many times before, regaining strength now

Nek minute
14/11/11 • 6 Comments

I made two concious planned booze binges. i left myself down the first time, it was my birthday and I did not plan anything so I turned to the bottle. Second was when i finshed work for the week, I invited a friend over drank over two bottles of wine and she helped me to bed. Yes I am all of the horibble usual things, yesterday was a wipeout I did not even get dressed. I did a month though and thought i was marvellous and desrved a drink, I never ever seem to get it thru to myself I have a serious disease, as I see no point in just having one. The self loathing is huge. Anyway while I was sober for a month I managed to put my cv together and get a weekend job, which is good. So Im getting on this wagon again, I really [...]

Week 3
31/10/11 • 5 Comments

Well it’s week 3 I’m not too excited. Just coasting and urge surfing. I will truly be shocked, amazed and something else if I make it to three months, I will feel like I have got up off my Knees and stood up to a monster? There are some good people on here who know a lot about the horrific havoc alcohol can and does cause. I find their insights the highlight of my day. I have far too many ugly stories to tell about the times I was drinking and many more when alcohol left me weak, bad tempered, angry, intolerable. get this one time I was so drunk about eight o clock in the evening I left the pub in Ireland I was so drunk I fell into the gutter, this nice car pulled up offered to drive me home, I was grateful someone cared no thought or [...]

Well I didn’t drink even thou I wanted to
30/10/11 • 3 Comments

Instead I stayed way bizzy with nice interesting things, like backstage at the ballet and lunch, things I would not have done before as it would have cut into ,y drinking time and no lunch cos in my pickled mind eating means not so much of an alcohol hit. Ias I said I was worried about Christmas approaching, and I thought so much about this I thought I’ll take ten days off from HSM, ha any excuse right? To drink that is, when I know I’m one glass away from a bottle a day. Then as they day wore on I remembered about three years ago I spent Christmas day in emergency room with alcohol poisoning, not my first or last time either. You d think I’d learn eh? A nd what worried me more was it took me the whole day to remember that as I’m sure alcohol has [...]

Thinking I want to get off this wagon
29/10/11 • 4 Comments

Yep saw my wine, that is poison of choice today on special today and felt the pull, I did not buy it, then, if I did really want to a would have no matter what it cost, physically mentally and financially. I wanted to because I have a better time with my girlfriends with it even if they don’t drink much at all. Just felt bord I guess. Even thou I did heaps of my fav things. I was thinking how on earth do I think I. Going to get thru Christmas with not drinking, cos I really could not be bothered socializing without wine, really some people just are just hard work. Sounds like any excuse aye? Then I read Zac Frazier blog on how he is doing it, for or with his mom. Fantastic And jan73 that was interesting too. I am doing much better with my precious [...]