a long time coming (kitti)….
21/12/11 • 0 Comments

truth (by kitti)
24/05/11 • 6 Comments

  Well, i need to be honest. i have anxiety problems. there, i said it. i relied on booze so much and i didn’t even know it. i started smoking more to pick up the slack of my usual relax-ents (booze). It was going well, but stuff got shit again. Really shit. And then i fell again, but this time hard. Harder than i thought.   I’m sorry everyone. i know this doesn’t go with the general positive flow of the HSM ideal, but im blogging about my experience so hear goes… This has been a very new part of my life with many new experience. I went into this program because of a short term abuse problem, but as i have discovered, this goes a little deeper than the one glass at the end of the week ideal i had of my self. My drinking is a part of [...]

feeling different (kitti)
02/05/11 • 1 Comment

I think I’m over the hump. I no longer feel the urge to drink. We had a movie drinking game thing last night and I felt ok about not drinking with it. I had fun. I dont feel like the glass of red at the end of the day either. I just dont. It may be that its just a stressy time at uni anyway so i cant relax anyway but meh! I dont want the glass! Its actually kind of nice. I m not using the alcohol as a way to get out of the anxiety. If i was to drink now, it would be for the taste (or more probably the buzz but that comes with one glass, not five). I really feel like there has been a change. Im still stressed out from uni (thats not going away) but its like im ready to deal with it head on, without [...]

fall (by kitti)
26/04/11 • 2 Comments

Well, it was going to happen. I knew it from the start. I didnt drink at parties (easy), i didnt drink at birthdays (harder), but it was my celebratory outing that did it. I had just finished my thesis presentation and i was on a date. I just wanted to let go and relax. So i smoked, and then a drink was bought for me. It was beautiful. I missed the taste, the feeling it gave me. i was having a fun time before it, and after it. So i do know i can have fun with out it. And it was only one drink. But its the idea of it. I needed to relax and wind down, so what do i do? Drink. This isnt going to work. Not long term. I need something to relax me so i can give it up. I have decided to start yoga [...]

Week One Over (by kitti)
07/04/11 • 2 Comments

Well well, first week over.  YAY!!! Its really not been that bad, the not drink part is actually OK. Its just with all that’s going on with uni and home life, a little relaxation would be nice. But I’m not going to give in that easy. I shouldn’t need the alcohol to relax, and i don’t. Its just the easy way out. Yes this time is shit and my life is a little everywhere but one night of drinking isn’t going to make it any easier. And funnily enough, its not the booze that relaxes me. Its the time you take out to drink with your friends that’s the relaxing part.  Its the state of mind your in. I just need to re-aline myself into that though pattern. And possibly doing some work to reduce my anxiety would be a good idea…… maybe Thank you to everyone who comments, it [...]