preparing for the end.. or is it the beginning?
13/03/12 • 4 Comments

With 6 weeks of sobriety left, about 21 weeks down, I’ve been thinking more and more about what comes next. I feel both anxious and excited about drinking again. Some friends, who’ve only known me since I’ve been sober are particularly excited and know my ‘due date’ better than I do, planning the evening as if it were a bucks night. Hence the anxiety. I try to explain that a boozey bender defeats the purpose of my period of abstinence but my protests fall on deaf ears. It’s interesting to think of drinking again as more challenging than being sober for so long! However I’m determined to be different because of this experience and not go back to destructive binge drinking habits. My next challenge is to learn moderation. I am so happy with how I feel about myself and what I have achieved so far with my HSM, I [...]

keeping on
30/01/12 • 1 Comment

The period I was most anxious about has now been and gone. Christmas and the New Year came with many celebrations, expectations and temptations. It was an emotional time for me and there were several points I nearly ‘chucked it all in’ and had a drink or ten to make myself feel better. I was able to stay strong though, mostly because I knew all too well that I really don’t feel any better after a good drink. Knowing the emotional consequences of failing my HSM, how I’ll feel about myself if I give in, has urged me to persevere and prove to myself that I am capable of change that lasts. Looking back on the first half of my HSM I’ve noticed better decision-making in all areas of my life. Greater discernment and foresight, not just because I have a clear head but also because I have stronger self-belief and better [...]

first sober birthday in 8 years
18/12/11 • 2 Comments

I was surprised when I remembered that I’d actually spent my 18th birthday sober also. It feels like a lifetime ago now and I was sober then for very different reasons. Looking back though, I must have had some pretty strong willpower and determination back then, with turning 18 usually a drunken rite of passage. It’s strange how easily we forget what we are capable of. About 10pm this time last year I was sitting on the kerb, having being kicked out of the pub a mere half hour after I’d arrived, trying to come up with a way to find more alcohol in an attempt to turn my birthday into an adventure rather than an embarrassing failure. This year, I had a fantastic day and night with great people. A fabulous party at my place and danced up a storm ’til the early hours out on the town… all [...]

feeling good
03/12/11 • 3 Comments

Am about 6 weeks in now and feeling great! Has been surprisingly easier than I’d imagined and have settled into the lifestyle change quite well. The local bar staff even know my order before i place it… the yummy and alcohol-free pina colada works a treat! A cheap, tasty way to have a drink in my hand and knock back alcoholic drink offers without needing to explain my vow of soberness to all at the pub.. win win! I’m also particularly happy with how my sobriety is benefiting the new professional relationships I am building. Several of my work colleagues are around the same age, some younger, and I feel I have been able to get to know them well, without getting into the party scene and blurring boundaries with too much booze.  Next challenge will be surviving the festive season… friends and family visiting from Aus and a sober [...]

week one down
03/11/11 • 6 Comments

So far so good! One week sober. It’s very early days for me yet, but I’m proud of myself. I’ve had a few wobbly moments… two in particular come to mind. Both were in pubs meeting new people who I straightaway felt intimidated by. They were experienced in both the fields of their work and the country I’ve newly arrived in. I struggled to feel like I had something of value or interest to contribute to the conversations and to feel comfortable in my own skin. All I wanted was a glass of wine or a pint of beer to have in my hand, as if that alone would help me to relax and go with the flow. I persevered and a glass of water sufficed. Whilst I did not offer anything profound, I survived. Night two was somewhat easier, largely as I was meeting people I felt were more on [...]