Hello Sunday Morning | pdoyle

I think I might be back
19/03/12 • 1 Comment

I am back to my old tricks. I gave up boozing for 3 months in 2010 and even inspired a hard-drinking friend to give up for 12 months. While I hadn’t been fully on the wagon for a long time, I’ve been thinking about getting back in the HSM boat. I’ve been on a slow shame-spiral for awhile now. I now can’t go to the bottle shop without leaving with two bottles of wine. And one more, just in case. I don’t really get hangovers like I used to. You might think Im lucky that I don’t get headaches or anything physical like that – just a searing case of self-loathing. Just what someone already with depression needs. I still don’t trust that Im good company without booze. But Jesus Christ Im becoming worse company with it.

Bikes, coffee & sleep (by Pip Doyle)
31/10/10 • 2 Comments

Sunday night. 9 weeks in. I haven’t written for a bit as I’ve just been feeling kind of normal, kind of, well, just going to work, coming home, riding my bike, drinking decent coffee, sleeping well…you know normal stuff. Hang on, I don’t ride bikes, sleep well, know what decent coffee tastes like… oh that’s right, I do now. I thought that I had run out of things to say. Im not having the big realisations I thought were going to come by now. But I’ve noticed a few ever-so-slight different things…like the bike, the coffee, the good sleep. So it’s all good. No complaints, no nothing. Except tomorrow is 2 months into it, 1 month away from stepping away from my self-experiment. And I have been asked one question. What am I going to do in one month’s time? December 1 is my 3 months up. And Im excited [...]

One beer, just one (by Pip Doyle)
26/09/10 • 2 Comments

Weekend four. Last night I can honestly say that I had a inner conversation that essentially was me pro-ing & con-ing the thought of sneaking a drink. Just a beer. Just one. No one will know. My rationale was that I had my first lone-shift at work. I worked my tailfeather off and was super-wired and was highly pressured. Remember, it’s a new job, lots of eyes on me. I had a string of phone calls from a ‘grand final’ party that was happening at my brother’s place, & I was rushing to get out of work on time, but to make sure that everything was perfect before I took off. Got to my brothers place. I could smell the beer. Not that it was a filthy place, it was just all I could think about, and as usual, the drinks fridge (it’s the same size as the one in the kitchen) [...]

I’ve been thinking a lot this weekend. Probably because Im not hungover. While I feel spectacular, Im actually feeling a bit, well, bored. But I’ll get to that in a bit. Friday drinks after work was really difficult, I’ve had a really overwhelming couple of weeks in the new job and while I feel I’ve been doing well, I was never really sure. Then it happened. The boss pulls out a carton of the golden ale & all I wanted to do was pour that stuff down my neck. But I firmly said no, but it really wasn’t the same to sip on a cup of tea while everyone bonded over Becks. I didn’t feel like myself. I thought, god is this what Im really like? I felt like a hoax, disingenuous, that I was leading these people on to think Im some sort of clean living good girl. Like [...]

Underestimation (by Pip Doyle)
05/09/10 • 0 Comments

OK, I have learnt something already, & it’s only the first Sunday morning I’ve said hello to for awhile. I was really worried yesterday about the patronising kid-glove treatment my fam was going to inflict on me yesterday, particulary mum. Well, truthfully I still haven’t told them, but later on, I pulled mum aside & just got it over with. ‘Im doing this thing’, I said with a sheepish, sage undertone. ‘I don’t want to announce it or anything, but I still think it’s a bit important’. Mum immediately grabbed my left hand to see the sparkler that wasn’t there. I proceeded to say quite ordinarily, that I’m not going to booze it up for awhile, but what I don’t want is a hoohaa around it, I don’t want the whispers that Im not drinking, or the supply of bubbly grape juice that “looks like champers” to feel included….I don’t [...]