Alcohol anxiety and guilt
18/10/11 • 6 Comments

You know that feeling that stays with you after you’ve been drinking too much? Sometimes I’d wake up at 2 am and get it, sometimes it stayed with me all day. I have read that it’s a chemical effect of alcohol but I don’t doubt that it’s also about the stupid,dangerous things I can do while pissed. I’m conscious that this feeling has stayed with my for the last two days although I’ve not been drinking. It’s really unpleasant and I have to keep telling myself that I’m ok, safe and haven’t done anything terrible. I know that it will be gone by tomorrow but what a horrible thing to create in our bodies! That feeling is one of the worst things about drunkeness because it spoils the next couple of days as you walk around in an uneasy fug of guilt and anxiety, can’t tackle it cos it’s so [...]

I’m up for another 3 months – including Christmas!
16/10/11 • 2 Comments

I completed my 3 month HSM 6 weeks ago and thought the experience of living without grog would change my drinking habits. It didn’t. I need more practice so I’m signing up again. It was a really good experience and I accomplished my goals. My life during those 90 days was a lot cleaner, quieter and gently happy. Some of my problems didn’t go away so I know now they weren’t a result of my drinking, but knowing that now I can tackle them. In the last 6 weeks I’ve been doing the same things I always do when I drink – sleeping in, not exercising, putting jobs off, full of enthusiasm and gin each afternoon and then without energy the next day – until I have a drink and get all excited about what I’m gonna do tomorrow. So I’m signing up for a further 3 months so I [...]

Family without the Flagons
30/07/11 • 0 Comments

I was a bit worried about a weekend down south with my rellies, pub visits and meals. On previous trips I’ve stocked up so I’d always have plenty of G & T. I needn’t have worried and looking at it now, it really shows what I was up to – glad I can laugh or I’d be very embarrassed. Neither of my cuz are big drinkers and it turns out most other people aren’t either. No-one was very fussed although some were curious. I loved telling people about what I was doing, not in a smarmy self righteous way  but just as another interesting way to live life. I had no urge to drink although the possibility crossed my mind once or twice. I really don’t want to go back to that way of living. It’s not that it’s really bad or that I was sick or anything but I can see that I’m not [...]

50 laps and a massage
12/07/11 • 8 Comments

I\’ve been swimming for the last two weeks and gradually increasing number and speed of laps. Last year I stopped drinking a month and swam daily but at 8 weeks I was back to getting up late and telling myself \’Next week!\’ Fifteen months later I still wasn\’t looking after myself and each day was largely about how tired I felt. I never spoke about it because I knew I was tired because of the amount I was drinking each day. I also didn\’t go to the doctor about any health complaints because I suspected that any health issues would disappear if I stopped drinking. I was scared about the future but each day didn\’t seem to be part of my future. Each day I woke up thinking that I\’d not be drinking that day and by 3 pm I was watching the clock and looking forward to drinking. I [...]

Loose jeans tight mind
10/07/11 • 1 Comment

Five weeks into my pledge and I’ve been swimming laps most days, sleeping well, gradually working through a backlog of tasks and I’ve finally worked out how to post. I suspected that my drinking each evening was affecting my ability to get stuff done and I was right. The first two weeks I slept for 12 hours a night, I think my body was doing some adjusting. Then I was able to wake up 3 hours earlier and fit in a workout each morning so after about 2 weeks was able to brave the pool and after 4 weeks I started feeling better. Bill and I are drinking herbal teas in the afternoon, our usual drinking time, then we go to bed early and read. Previously I was using alcohol to keep me going in the evening, staying up late doing housework and checking Facebook – not a good idea! My biggest [...]