Wish I could say \
10/02/12 • 3 Comments

Unfortunately, feeling very badly, because I can\’t. I\’m so disappointed in myself. Had been under a lot of pressure. Overwhelmed. I do this to myself. Then my exhusband arrived to stay for a week to see our child and he came laden with duty-free. I so wish I\’d just checked back here one more time. Then I would have seen the replies to my last post from Wolfsie and Catherinefromlondon. Thanks so much guys for thinking of me. And for your support. I feel really bad. Next tiem I will think of you and I will check in first. I\’m trying to be gentle on myself. I haven\’t told anyone that I\’m off the drink. Just like I hid the fact that I was downing a bottle of wine on a daily basis. I\’ve never admitted that to anyone. But now I feel I need to say it. So I [...]

Day 10
06/02/12 • 2 Comments

SO tempted to get a bottle of wine. I really struggled with myself about it. Since Jan 1st I’ve tried to stop altogether and twice drank around day 10. No idea why this is such a defining time for me, but managed to stick to my plan yesterday. Woke up this morning and my first thought was about buying some wine. Almost no thoughts about alcohol over the last 10 days then this. Yesterday I distracted myself by cleaning the fridge. Got a big day today so busy, but the thoughts are all there.

Day 8
05/02/12 • 2 Comments

It’s been a long week. Was fine the first couple of days then really, really tired. No ‘go’ whatsoever. No sugar highs rushing me through the day, probably. Was invited out to a dinner last night. Had considered giving it a miss, but went over it all in my mind – politely refusing a drink – and went in the end. On the way my nerves kicked in. I’m such a ‘people pleaser.’ I thought about having just one or two wines. Decided to allow myself that, even though in the pit of my stomach I felt disappointed that I’d lost all my clarity about it. Once I got there I accepted a small wine, but as soon as I had it in my hand I bowled up to someone and started talking…and talking…and talking. It was a dinner where every 15 minutes or so someone would stand up and give a short speech [...]

Here goes….
29/01/12 • 1 Comment

My plan had been to start Fed 1st but I’ve decided to start today. I was stuck in that “just one more and I’ll start tomorrow” routine and woke up this morning unable to accept that game anymore. Now is now, not tomorrow. So I’m officially on the wagon. Am going to set myself some weekly goals along the way. This week my goals will be to keep track of my eating, so that doesn’t spiral out of control instead, and to do Ab Circle Pro every night. Those two along with no alcohol. Actually may do these for two weeks before adding in anything else. Will see as I go. Monday will be check-in day.  

Countdown has started
29/01/12 • 7 Comments

Only 3 days to go before I begin. It will be the second time in my life I\’ve decided to go without alcohol for a year. To be honest, I don\’t know how I did it last time. But I am determind to make it happen again. Confidence. Seems to be mentioned a lot. The confidence to be who I really am. For a while now I\’ve been realising it\’s as though there are two very different people in me. One when I drink. One when I don\’t. And to be honest, I don\’t like the me when I drink. I get shitty, aggressive at times. Impatient. Say things I regret. Not often, but the few times I have , I REALLY regret. Hurt the one closest to me.  I remember someone who was trying to stop drinking, and who fell off the wagon, saying they would just get back [...]